


Getting to know you

by ValeReads



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Bokuto Koutarou & Kuroo Tetsurou are Bros, Bullying, College, English translation, Falling In Love, Flashbacks, Getting Together, High School, Homophobic Language, Loneliness, M/M, Minor Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, POV Kozume Kenma, Poor Life Choices, Trust Issues, please forgive my English
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24062431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValeReads/pseuds/ValeReads
Summary: Kenma wants to leave his past behind him when he enters college, however, fate wants him to continue suffering and puts Kuroo Tetsurou once again in his life.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 20
Kudos: 86





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So... this is my first Fanfiction and it's my first time writing in english (blame the quarantine).  
> :)

It was already the second time he had heard the familiar tone of his alarm, after some good minutes of considering how much his future will be affected if he skip class, Kenma decides not to wait for a tortuous third tone to get going. He didn’t even bother with showering, nor did he look twice at his hair brush, and he was almost certain that he was wearing different colored socks, what he did was to keep the PSP and his charger in his bag. Still with time, which he saved on putting zero effort on his appearance, he served himself a bowl of his favorite cereal separating them by colors eating at the end the one he likes best, but of course they all have the same flavor.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9…10

And he was already out of his dorm on his way to class, calm and with a slow pace. He really hated Mondays, he was walking across the campus to his first class of the day, distracted by his game and the depressing melody which reminded him that still couldn't beat the final boss. About 30 minutes were left to start his first class, however, Kenma was already seated in his usual spot at the back corner, he prefers a hundred times better abuse his sleep schedule than taking a chance and be late to class only to feel all the eyes of his classmates on him.

With his eyes lowered, his PSP in hand and his headphones in position, Kenma was preparing for the day, with his peripheral vision he saw his classmates arriving in the last five minutes before the class started, _ he  _ still did not arrive,  _ he  _ is usually late. The minute the teacher enters the classroom all the murmurs ceased, they welcomed him and Kenma resigned himself to put away his things and paying attention. His table was already clear when the teacher announces that the exam will be next week and they have to submit a report on Wednesday (which he already had finished) so, in a hurry, but walking gently to not draw attention, Kenma is the first to get out of the classroom, he can hear  _ his _ obnoxious laugh behind him. 

His next class was in a few more minutes and the classroom was close, yet, he decided to get there early to sit in his discret spot of always, with his hand in his jacket pocket holding onto the PSP he hears that laugh again behind him, a long and loud laugh full of bad memories. He doesn’t have to lift his head to recognize the owner of that hateful laugh.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

“No, I don’t want to.”

“Kenma…”

“I said no.”

“Kenma”

“I already decided it, I’m not going to class today, nor tomorrow, nor the day after and the next one after that ”

“But... Kenma, You want to be a boy who will never learn how to read or to multiply numbers, or to know all the places in the world?”

“Mooooom you know that i already know how to read, the only thing i need to learn about numbers is to know the time so I can watch my favorite show and, why do i wanna know all the places? I just want to know where de videogames store is, to get there by myself and i'm close it’s between that red house and that old nice lady bakery.”

“That is why honey, your knowledge must grow more and more, there are many things to learn in the world, we must try to learn almost all of it. Is this because of that argument of the other day with that girl?”

“There were 3 girls... and no, it’s not because of that. I just have more fun here and I can learn by myself.”

“Kenma, I already talked to your teacher, those girls will not take your cookies from you again.”

With a pout, the black-haired little boy accepts his fate and begins to get ready for school. Next year I'll put more effort on making friends, he told himself as he watched his classmates muddy their shoes and pants with dirt during their recess, while he was sitting on the swing, when they grow up he reminded himself. But of course It took over a couple of years for him to finally call someone his friend.

Shohei Fukunaga was a quiet and observant boy, once in a while he made him laugh out loud with his creative humor that he only shared with him, he spoke even less than Kenma himself and he was sure that only today he had said like five words and all directed only at Kenma, that made him happy.

“Aghhhh i don’t like pineapple juice it smells weird. Let's exchange it for the orange one you have.” Fukunaga looks down at his own juice box already in his hand and shakes his head, “A pineapple juice and …” Kenma turns sideways looking for something to negotiate with his friend. “And those yellow flowers” in his mind it was a good deal, but Fukunaga shakes his head again and start taking sips of his juice, he sighs deeply and says “Fine, I wasn't even thirsty.”

“Then you won't mind giving it to me ” Kenma follows the sound of the voice behind them where a chubby, tall boy with a shaved head is standing. “No” answers Kenma to the boy from another class who occasionally liked to throw sand at girls.

“I heard you say you didn't want it” It wasn’t the first time that he gave part of his lunch to the older boy, he was quite insistent with his angry look, his fisted hands and his little group of friends that always followed him, they have never touch Kenma, but his poor vocabulary suggested that if he ignored them Kenma would end up with a black eye, although he doesn't know why his golden eyes would suddenly turn black, but his voice tone scared him, so he always ended up accepting.

Kenma extended his hand delicately to give him the box of its disgusting juice to the boy,as a tense Fukunaga watched the exchange, “good” he says snatching the juice from his hands, the boy with a triumphant smile sits on the bench as the rest of his group approach him, Fukunaga stands quickly taking Kenma's hand to get out of there, without looking back they hear their empty laugher from those stealer little monsters. In the safety of the classroom , Fukunaga brings his juice to Kenma to share it, he takes it because his throat is dry, and answers with a soft thanks.

Yuki Shibayama completes the trio a few years later, he was shorter than Kenma, with the same hair color, he always had a smile in his face and was far more energetic than his other two friends.

“Really Fukunaga, It's true!”, “I doubt it” replied the boy with big eyes, Kenma agrees with him, “Then i will show you”, the smallest of the three jumps and positioned himself at the middle of the schoolyard to do a somersault that he saw in a ninja movie the day before, both of them smile with the confidence that their friend will fall and will end up face down on the ground, he can almost picture it just as Fukunaga that is already giggling, but that never happens because when he’s trying to position himself Shibayama collides with a boy.

“Sorry ha ha” his friend anwer with a nervous laugh, “Are you laughing at me?” the boy clearly upset responds as he shakes the dirt off his knees, “Come on, everyone is laughing at you” the new kid in the class with a strange hair replies with an outstretched hand helping him to stand, the group of friends of the big boy keep laughing with an exaggerated laugh, even Shibayama laughs a little, but neither Kenma nor Fukunaga showed joy on their faces, they knew the boy enough to know that you shouldn't make fun of him, Raiko Okata was the tallest kid of the class (well before the new boy arrived) he was definitely the strongest too, since he played different sports, he was always with a large group of kids, in class he always was trying to be funny with the teacher failing miserably, Kenma never laughed at any of his boring jokes because he has a good taste but, his classmates always laughed with his stupid jokes.

Without a doubt, Raiko was the meanest of the class, he always mocked him when Kenma spoke out loud at class, he pushed him at the gym and he even stole his homework once, of course Kenma didn't care, Raiko's brain was so small that he always forgot about him when he saw zero reactions to the names he put on Kenma, so he ended up leaving him alone. “You think you and your weird friends are so funny, don’t you?” ignoring the other boy, he responds to Shibayama with an aggressive tone.

“Mmmm no, i mean we are, but but we weren't making fun of you, I just wanted to do-” his voice is cut off after the bigger boy pulls his shirt and brings his face closer to Shibayama "You're not very funny now, dwarf". Kenma and Fukunaga run without a plan, perhaps if the three give him their lunch, he will forget it and leave him alone.

“Hey,come on Raiko it was just an accident” the tall boy whose name he doesn't remember gets ahead taking off the hands that were clinging to Shibayama's shirt “Don’t tell me it hurt you? I thought you were tougher, weren’t you on the fighting team? I bet i can beat you” Kenma takes the opportunity to help Shibayama and run away from there. 

“Ahhhhh?! You seriously think you are stronger than me, Kuroo??” he listens to respond him in an amused tone, when they turn around they see them both wrestling, “Should we help him?” Shibayama asks while fixing his shirt, Fukunaga just shakes his head and then respond very softly “I think they are only playing.” Kenma can hear the laughter of both mixed with the laughter and screams of the rest of his classmates, in the end he says “That’s why i don’t like to leave the classroom besides is way comfortable and nobody is bothering us there.”

✩ ✩ ✩

How can someone keep the same stupid and loud laugh for so many years Kenma wonders with his head down as he walks down the hall to enter his next class “Of course I take her to her room, I'm a gentleman after all” the boy with his ridiculous gel-filled hairstyle that surely took him an hour to finish it responds a few steps behind him, with more laughter the other one responds saying to him that not by being a gentleman he took her to the room.

Kenma hated that class, he only took it to complete his credits, who would shave guess that he would meet once again Kuroo Tetsurou in the advanced economics class, when he saw him for the first time a month prior at the campus, he assured himself that they would not cross paths again since he doubted that Kuroo Tetsurou would be studying something related to Computer Science and videogames design, but here we are, former schoolmates in the same difficult class, which by the way Kuroo was one of the most advanced, he probably has someone who does his homework for him. Right now Kenma deeply regrets taking this class twice a week and worst of all the other semester he was bound to follow it with Advanced Economics II.

As he questioned the recent decisions of his life, Kenma playing with his pen being careful not to make noise with it to avoid attention, he wondered with his guardian angel (already convinced that this one was a demon) why he decided to put Kuroo Tetsurou again in his life, Was he not a good person? Ok, maybe he spent like 70% of his time playing video games and ignoring others, but that wasn’t something bad, right? maybe he should call his grandmother more often, donate some money to a foundation,volunteering at ... wait, Why is Kenma the bad one here? He always behaved well, he always did his homework, he got good grades, if he ever responded badly at his mother once in a while, it was because it wass completely normal between tenagers to do so, he got into a good college so, Why whoever looking after him from the sky or from the ground was playing with him?

His thoughts were cut off when he saw that his classmates were putting away their computers and starting to leave the room. Has an hour passed yet? Apparently he was so focused on his thoughts that he didn't even pay attention to his Basic Graphic Design class. Kenma quickened his pace to leave the room and forget that much hated Monday class only to worry again on Friday, with his PSP in hand he leaves the room hitting the door, he hears some laughter, Kenma starts walking faster and faster to get away from the place, those laughs were surely directed at him, as always.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

When Kenma turns 12 his mom gives him his first PSP, just in a few days it becomes its best friend, Fukunaga y Shibayama doesn’t have to know this, it's not like it replaces them, is just that he really waited a long time,now he has something to amuse himself with in the tedious school. He feels more comfortable this new year and a little happier than usual, this doesn't last long because Shibayama forces them to join a sports club, It does not have to say which, it’s not the first time that he forces them to practice volleyball, Kenma doesn't mind that much, he even like it, among the three of them he does the least work, since he is the Setter, but after a few hours of practice he becomes anxious to put his hands on his PSP again.

The club has few members so they accept the three without even doing a test to prove their skills, Kenma has already studied everything he has to know about the sport including the rules, positions and new terms so not to be embarrassed in front of others. When he tells his mother that he would enter the club she almost cries, that same day she went to buy him new sneakers, a sports bag and all the necessary equipment, when they got home his dad pet his hair, which by the way was already down to his cheeks, and told him that he was proud of him.

To be honest, the first week wasn’t so bad,jogging and stretching before playing was what he hated the most. His favorite part? Playing with his friends. When the first week was over, the official team members arrived, unfortunately among them he recognized a couple of faces, he crossed glances with his friends and immediately put on a disgusted face. The boy who used to take his lunch was the tallest of all, maybe if those vitamins and proteins had gone for me I would be the tallest, Kenma thought. There is no place for three liberos in this team the boy said looking at them, “Ehhh actually me and Fukunanga -pointing at him- are Wing Spikers and Kenma is a Setter” Shibayama answer.

“Wing spiker?! HAHAHAHA”, laughs were heard from the other players, before he said anything else the coach interrupted the tall boy “Raiko get in line!” he looked at the coach with a death glare and got on the line with the others, “Shibayama to be honest you are the shortest of the team and you are quite agile, we don’t have a libero so it will be great that you took that spot” Shibayama didn't looked so sure especially with the giggles of the others, but he still accepted.

At least Shibayama could train, Kenma and Fukunaga were degraded to ball boys, then Kenma was degraded even further to slave.

“Hey you, yes you, refill my bottle with water” one of the older players said as he threw the bottle at him.

“Yeah, me too, i want it cold” say another.

When he returned to give him them the bottles they didn’t even say thank you, as he turns around he comes face to face with Kuroo Tetsurou. From what he remembered when he introduced himself at class, he was new to town, he had moved in with his parents, he loved sports, basquetball was his favorite, then he didn’t really remember more, they didn’t talk at class, as soon as he arrived he became part of the noisy group, the girls looked at him all the time and followed him everywhere, the teachers praised him and even two boys tried to imitate his curious hairstyle.

“Can you refill my bottle please?” he say nicely, Kuroo wasn’t mean with anyone,yeah sometimes he laughed out loud with an extremely silly laugh, the teachers would take him out of class for not behaving , but he was never mean to someone on purpose. Kenma just nodded and ran to go for water, when he passed it to Kuroo he didn't look at him, but still said a soft thanks.

Apparently Kuro was a really good player, the coach gave him compliments once in a while, his elders patted him on the back saying congratulations and he always stayed longer to train, Kenma hated it that ,since he had to waited longer to clean the gym. His mom wouldn't let him quit the damn team, according to her, Kenma had become committed to the team, so he had to stay until the end of the year. Half an hour after the end of practice, Kenma was sitting in the stands playing with his PSP while Kuroo practices some balls with Raiko. Shibayama and Fukunaga were also practicing, but in the far corner of the gym as usual.

“What do you think you're doing?” one of the older boys asked, Kenma was still playing with his game at the assumption that he was not speaking to him, "yeah who do you think you are? while the others are practicing to get better you are here playing” another said, Kenma recognized the voice of the team setter so he looked up, “I don't know what are you doing here, all you do is play with that thing,” said the boy, who was a captain, as he snatched away his console.

“Ehhh I was, is just, the practice is over so i’m just waiting everyone to leave so everything is clear” he replied with a scared voice, I hope that's the correct answer he thought, "If you want to play, you should practice, give it a use to those expensive sneakers you have on" the setter replied, Kenma just looked at his red sneakers, his favorite color.

"If I see you with this thing again i will break it in two, and I don't want to see you sitting, fucking sloth" He threw the game on his lap as he left the gym muttering something, he gave a sympathetic shout saying goodbye to the others, Kenma looked at his friends who were playing without problems, he looked at Kuroo and Raiko, the two were gossiping about something with little laughs "finally" he heard Raiko say. Kenma no longer played with his PSP in front of the others, when his friends trained or went out to the playground at recess and at lunchtime, Kenma hid in a corner to play.

“Very good Kenma, you have the skills to be a great setter” the coach exclaimed, Kenma nodded, "Why don't you practice with the others, so you can get used to them?" Kenma nodded again and he headed to the center of the court. Kenma was good a setter, he already practiced a lot with his friends he liked it, maybe he did not love it and he was passionate about the sport like the rest of them, but he did not bother him, so he played with them to spend more time together with his friends, it was more difficult and annoying with strangers, they never reached the ball and they blamed Kenma for it, the truth was that his team was not good, the year was ending and they were eliminated in the first phase both times, but Kuroo was the best player of them all, when he threw the ball at him he would always catch it, "Yaaay!" he exclaimed when he made a good play pumping his fist in the air, he high-fived all his friends, but he didn’t with Kenma, never with Kenma, he didn't mind, he did not like when people touch him,especially if they were sweaty but he felt a little left out.

Kuroo wasn’t mean with him like the others, but it was indifferent, when the team got together to train outside of practice hours, or when they went out to eat something after the long hours of effort, they never invited Kenma, well at first they did and Kenma refused to go several times, but when the relationship between his teammates improved, they stopped inviting him, Kenma wished they had insisted a little more.

He no longer saw his friends that much, they began to get closer with the team members, Kenma didn’t mind, he was happy for them, but sometimes he felt a little alone. At the beginning of the second year he did not bother to go to the school gym and with the disappointed faces of his friends Kenma left the team, now he had more time to play on his console.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

“Aren't you going to invite your friends to your birthday party?” his mother ask, Kenma only replied with a muffled sound "Kenmaaa," his father said as he read the newspaper.

"Mom, I'm going to be 14 years old, I'm old enough to decide how to spend my day," he replied as he played with what was left of his food. "He has a point," answered his dad. 

"Well,then an apple pie for the birthday cake, your favorite food for the three of us, a couple of games for your console and the Xbox, and we spent the whole day playing Mario party, correct?

“Yeeees” Kenma and his father answered at the same time, his mother with a smile full of love replies "I can't wait".

“Wow Nekoma is a great school, I tried to enter, but my grades weren’t good enough" Shibayama said," Congratulations Kenma " Fukunaga said , today he had received the acceptance letter for Nekoma, after he told to his parents who were very proud of him, he told his friends.

"And the have great volleyball team, Kenma i’m so jealous " Kenma smiled at his friends, but the smile did not reach his eyes.

“Do you already know which school to go to?" Kenma asked, "We will probably go to the same one since it is close to home, we only have to walk about 20 minutes and that's it" Shibayama responded excitedly, he and Fukunaga live in the same building that’s how the boy had entered the group, "Don't worry Kenma, you will make friends, it will be fine, we can message and we only have to take a bus to be together again," Fukunaga told him. Kenma replied with a discouraged yes. Graduation came quickly, his parents cried, Kenma was embarrassed, Shibayama fell in front of everyone, Fukunaga recorded it, the three of them laughed at the end.

It was a hot Summer, Kenma barely left home, a couple of times he got together with his friends to eat ice cream, but Kenma preferred to stay with his new best friends on his room, his new much modern console and the fan.

“Aren’t you going to cut your hair before class starts? ” hid dad asked.

"No, we like it, don't we, Kenma? mmm maybe the ends a little bit, till your chin” his mom answered quickly.

“Yes, I like it this way” Kenma simply replied, he liked having his hair down so he didn't have to look at people.

“Okay" answered his father, "Are you excited?" excited is not the first word that comes to mind when thinking about his new school where he does not know anyone, in fact it is not even in his top ten of words on what he is feeling right now, with a small yes he answers to make it sound more real.

“Don't be scared, everything will be fine," his dad says reading his mind as he touches his shoulder affectionately, "These are the best years, that’s how i remember it" he adds.

“I thought that your best years were when you met me" his mother says, Kenma watches them with a smile, "Ehh yes of course darling, we stayed on the right path during college," he answers nervously, "You make it sound so romantic," his mom fixing her gaze on Kenma, askis him "Will you be fine traveling alone by train?", Kenma rolls his eyes and replies that yes, everything will be fine, at least that's what he has been repeated himself all summer. "What can go wrong?" he replied cheerfully.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

When Kenma decided that it was enough he close his laptop not before saving his game, it was 5 am and although it was Friday and tomorrow he didn’t had classes, Kenma is tired, he felt all the weight of the week on his shoulders, maybe he can take a train first thing in the morning and go home, he regrets it realizing that first thing meant sleeping only half an hour. He listen to his relaxing music at full volume to sleep, he can still hear the party downstairs, maybe tomorrow he will see hangover people sleeping in the hallways like that time when he went out late to buy some chips and soda, with a disgusted face he remembers that day when he almost tripped over with vomit, for this reason, he has prohibited himself from leaving his room on weekends,shit...he curses himself when he remembers that he has to go to buy food for the rest week, on Sunday he says he will go, that day the savages are calm.

“Yes mom, i swear i’m going to visit next weekend” Kenma answers through the screen, “It’s getting late and I have to go shopping”.

“You have enough money?” she quickly asks “Yes don’t worr-”.

“Did you hear that darling? Kenma needs money to buy food, we have to give him more” his mom says as she takes out her credit card, “I’m fine, i have more than enough.” He sees his dad getting way too close to the computer screen , he blinks a few times and smiles at him “Don’t worry son, you can buy some of those games you like with what you have left”, he sees how his mom gives his dad a disapproving look.

“No, he needs new clothes, the one we bought you 4 months ago is already old and it is also starting to get cold” she says thoughtfully “And look at those roots! you need to go to the hairdresser as soon as possible” Kenma runs his fingers through his blonde hair without thinking when a notification sound from the cell phone gets him out of his thoughts, he sees that it's from the bank.

“Thanks mom and dad, this is fine for the whole month, please don't send anymore money, I'm fine” he hears the carefree laughter of his parents, they say bye affectionately and with the promise that he will go to visit them next Friday.

Kenma has two packets of Ramen in his hand, Which one should I get? I haven't eaten a spicy one in a long time, he says to himself, he decides to get one of each flavor of the store so he doesn’t have to leave his room in all week, maybe i should bring some fruit, he moves away from that section of the mini market quickly convincing himself that it will only make unnecessary weight in his bags and backpack, his skim milk and cereal are next on the list, ohh batteries, these are always necessary so he puts them in his shopping bag, maybe he should get a healthier cereal, so he spends half an hour reading the different options, when he hears a loud and familiar voice.

“No, you know we have to follow the list, Kuroooooo, do you want Akaashi to hate me?” he he hears as some cans roll on the floor. “Leave it, stop, no, Bo we can buy it with whatever money may be left over” he can hear them struggling.

“Do you seriously think that Akaaashi is going to count it wrong?” Kenma grabs the first cereal to leave the store, “Okay, okay I’ll pay with my own money”, “Awww in that case let’s get another four” he listen as he take his things out of the bag, Kenma doesn’t even look at the cashier eyes, he just want to leave the store as soon as possible, he gives him his credit card at the speed of light. This is happening because he truly is lazy as fuck, Why did he decide to go to the nearest store? he is aware that all college students come here, he can feel them behind him on the line.

“Are you going to get that too?”, if he only had gone to the store just a couple of blocks away… besides they sell his favorite apple pie there. “Hey girl, Are you going to buy this?” he feels a hand on his shoulder and the other stretching out in front of him with a hand full of Snickers, those fucking chocolates Kenma internally curse, he shakes his head exaggeratedly, he receives his card, clings to his bags and prepares mentally to run away as fast as he can. He feel the hand again on his shoulder.

“Oh hey, ha ha shit sorry dude, I thought you were a girl, it must be the hair, sorry, mmm Konzume right?”, Kenma looks up for half a second to see Bokuto Koutarou with his big smile and his really messy eyebrows, and that hair...Kenma refuses to have a negative thought about his hair, he does not wish to continue receiving bad karma, he slightly shifts his eyes to see Kuroo Tetsurou with his head down as he pays, Bokuto still has his hand on Kenma shoulder, he wants to say something but he throat is really dry, so he just shrinks, shakes his head and walk to the door, he can feel the laughs of both including the cashier, this is way Kenma doesn’t go out. 

Walking to his room Kenma feels the eyes of others on him, maybe he does need some new clothes, when he reach the safety of his room, Kenma sits on the floor and starts counting to 10 over and over, when he feels his knees are no longer trembling he gets up to put his things away, his appetite is now non-existent he don't even feel motivated to pass the new level of his game, he just curled on his bed under the blankets and deliberately doesn't set his alarm, missing a class won't harm him, he says to himself, especially if it's that class he despises so much.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

  
  
  


Kenma’s hair is so silky that he can run his fingers repeatedly without getting tangled, maybe I should stop brushing for today. He looks at himself one last time in the mirror, runs his delicate fingers through his hair again and dedicates himself a small smile, which dies as soon as it enters the station, it’s full of people and he really really hates crowds, he decides to wait for an empty train, but it is an impossible task, Kenma closes his eyes while listening to his favorite playlist, he thinks about his friends, how are they right now, if they are nervous, if they misses him, he hopes that they do.

The school is way bigger than he thought, he shouldn't have let so many cars go by, now he will be late, he collides with several people who were walking in the opposite direction, he just needs to find his classroom, he reads his schedule again, see the time and ohh is definitely going to be late, there is no other choice but run. When he finally arrives at the room with his number, Kenma doesn't know whether to knock or not, maybe he should go home, although not even three minutes have passed, that is forgivable, Kenma opens the door slowly, the first thing he sees is a woman, possibly in the early 40's, she looks very professional and is wearing beautiful shoes that match with her outfit, she looks at him with a smile.

“It seems we have a volunteer! please introduce yourself to the class” she says looking at Kenma, why did he run? Why didn't he just turn around to go back home? Kenma gulps, "Come on, don't be afraid," the teacher says.

“Kozume Kenma” he responds with a low and agitated voice due to all the running, “ahhh?” he can clearly hear someone say from the front row, he doesn't want to lift his head, the teacher looks at the list and repeats with a sure voice “Kozume Kenma, welcome”, he thanks her from the bottom of his heart for not making him stay there, and he walks to sit down, the last rows are full, so he sits in the middle near a window.

Kenma sat up quickly without looking up, he was near a group of girls chatting animatedly as if they had known each other for years, the boy in the front table turned around, he thought he would say hi to him, but then he turned again, "Very well - " the teacher is interrupted by the sound of the door.

"Sorry I'm late" exclaims the boy without air, "I got lost, this place is huge, I think I read the number backwards" his comment caused some laughs from the class, "No problem, it's the first day, those things happen, come on , Why don't you introduce yourself to your new classmates? ” the teacher tells him.

"Well, good morning, new classmates, I am happy to be here in this great school, my name is Kuroo Tetsurou, I am 15 years old, I play volleyball and for that reason I decided to come to Nekoma, I know they have a great volleyball team, and well I hope we can be great friends in these three years." Kenma is afraid to look up and confirm his suspicions, he really wanted to start from scratch, when he looks up he only sees a big smile on Kuroo's face, the laughter of his colleagues and the sighs of the girls, Kuroo sits in the front seat, just like he used to do the last past three years.

Perhaps it’s not that bad, he will no longer feel so lonely, he may have someone to talk to, Kuroo was always polite to him, when the class ends I will go to say hi, Kenma decides, as the bell rings for the announcement of the other class he can feel their classmates stand up and talk, the sounds of the chairs ring in his ears, it does not distinguish the conversations, it is time, Kenma stands up from the seat but quickly sits down again when he sees a group of four boys approach Kuroo, and in 27 seconds he hears laughter. Perhaps he should approach those who look shy, Kenma watches his classmates to find a potential friend, there is a lot of noise, everyone talks at the same time, Kenma decides to play with his PSP.

That’s how his first weeks pass, he doesn’t talk to anyone, the teachers do not notice him, he stays all day in his desk, he manages to cross some glances with Kuroo, but he never comes to speak to him. A month have already passed when Kuroo speaks to him for the first time.

“What?” Kenma answers him.

"I said if you were the setter of our old team" Kenma panics, there are many faces watching him, the four boys who approached Kuroo the first day and two girls with long hair.

“Ehhh, I, well I just sta-stayed at the club only for a year, and i never played officially” Kenma replies as he plays with his fingers, “I knew it! Why didn't you keep playing? You were good, well I'm on the team now and there's only one setter and is in his third year so we need another, when can you stop by the gym? ” Kenma didn't know what to answer, maybe not answering would be worse.

“I don’t think i will go, i quit it mmm so, ehhh sorry.”

Kuroo only smiles at him "Come on, you're going to have fun, I promise" that phrase and his big smile gives Kenma confidence, he could have a friend after all.

“I haven’t played in a very long time” he warns him.

"Luckily, it is like knowing how to ride a bike or swim, you can’t just forget it," he replies with another big smile as he guides him to the gym.

Kenma is nervous, he doesn’t know why he agreed to this, he does not even have other clothes besides his uniform, there are tall and corpulent players, some look very old, Kuroo is the tallest of all, plus his messy hairstyle that looks like a bird's nest gives him height, he can see that he is an athlete, his arms look strong and his serves are the same, he always has a big smile on his face, when they look at each other, Kenma looks down embarrassed. "Come on, do your thing," Kuroo yells at him, and Kenma with his delicate fingers starts to play. The coach watches him at all times and tells him that he has potential and they need another setter. "Welcome to the team" he simply says. Maybe it will not be as bad as last time, the third years must be mature, he does not see scary faces and Kuroo is smiling, he is always smiling.

His parents are happy when he tells them that he joined the team, but confused they ask him why he joined, Kenma still does not know, he doesn’t understand why he followed Kuroo, it was the first time that they have ever spoke in the year.

"A friend convinced me" he replies without adding more "A friend? In the first month? My love, that's good, I'm glad to hear that" his mother says embarrassing the young boy. "What's your friend's name? " his father asks "Why do you have to embarrass me like this? He is just a friend of my class".

"I'm sorry to be excited when my only son talks to me about his life, don't put those eyes on me, Kenma," his mother says, "We know it's difficult for you to make friends. Have you talked to Shibayama and Fukunaga lately?" his father asks, Kenma tries not to show emotions on his face.

"Yes, we spoke yesterday on the phone, they are fine, they loved their school" Kenma lies, it’s not that he does not want to speak to them, sometimes he just forgets to answer the messages and sometimes they just forget to write, people grow and move on, he doesn't want his parents to worry "Good, you should invite them, we could have a pizza and games day" his mother says, Kenma says that is a good idea, but he knows that's not going to happen, he also decides to message them and ask about their week in the chat group.

It’s two days later when he receives the answer, the two joined the volleyball team, their classes are boring, but they have fun teachers, they sit near two very cute girls according to Shibayama, when Kenma tells them that he also joined the team they are surprised.

\- Shibayama: What?????????????? Kuroo Tetsurou it’s in your class? 

**\- Kenma: Yes.**

\- Fukunaga: and he made you joined the team?

**-Kenma: Yes.**

\- Shibayama: Well , he is nice and a good player

**-Kenma: It is**

-Shibayama: Woooow, we should meet to talk more about this, there is so much to tell you, could it be the other Friday?

**\- Kenma: yes, i will see my school schedule**

He does not need to see his schedule to know that he has the day off, he just does not want to talk about it anymore, he is quite tired with the extra practices, he is clearing his things in his room, when his mother announces that they will go out to buy better shoes and a new equipment to play more comfortably. With the price of his new sneakers, he would have had enough for two new games that came out a few weeks ago that his father refused to buy him, saying that he already had hundreds of them. At the end of the exhausting day of shopping they go to a restaurant to eat, Kenma feels grateful for his parents, they never pressure him for anything, (except when they force him to sleep when they catch him playing at 3 in the morning) they spoiled him (when they tell him that the will not buy him the new game of the month, in the end they always do) and they have never looked at him disapprovingly, Kenma is afraid of that, he hopes not to disappoint them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Kenma is walking at a slow pace to class, he always arrives along with the teacher, he hates the free time before classes when everyone is talking to everyone, there are screams, the girls are putting on makeup, the boys play with a paper ball, when he approaches to his usual spot he sees a girl sitting in his place, talking to the girls behind her, Kenma just stands waiting for her to go, the girl turns to him.

"Yes?" she asks, Kenma wants to say she's in his desk, but he doesn't want to be rude, he thinks how could he tell her to get her ass out of his chair without being hated.

“Ehh i think that, mmm could-” Kenma says in an extremely low voice, "Aghh it is so exhausting to always receive the attention of the boys, especially their confessions, although I have to admit that I always feel sorry for rejecting them" the girl says, her friends giggle.

"I just wanted to say that you are on my spot" Kenma responds exasperated and red to the ears, he hears the same giggles again, but increasing along with the laughs of boys sitting nearby.

"Your spot? I don't see any names here, do you even go to this class? ” the girl responds quite angrily, "You broke his heart," says the girl she was talking to previously, “What? I, I don’t, i’m not interested i just wanted to sit” Kenma thanks the sound of the bell, now the girl just has to go so he can sit down.

"You aren’t interested in me? Do you like Umiko? or Kaede?” He points to the girls in the back who just smile at him maliciously, Kenma sees that everyone is already taking a seat.

"No, I'm not interested in any of them," he replies firmly and quite irritated, he just wants to sit in his chair and look at his window.

“ohhh you are one of those...Why didn't you say so?” she laughs with her friends "Umiko has small tits and short hair, maybe she suits you" she adds.

“Hey what's wrong with you! they are still growing” the short-haired girl answers, Kenma feels his cheeks warm, he looks at her shoes and he doesn't really know what to answer to that.

"He doesn't even deny it" the girl replies. “Fucking gross I don't want to sit near him anymore" answers the redhead girl from behind, Kenma liked her, once he lent her a pen for an exam and when she lost it, she apologized deeply to Kenma, he said it was not a problem, but she still brought him a new one the next day. Luckily the teacher arrives to the classroom, Kenma looks for another empty seat, and now his new desk is one of the ones in the back, he is no longer near his window, a tall boy does not let him see the blackboard, and he feels the laughter and the looks of the girls at all times.

He tells himself that it’s not a big deal, it was just a chair and table that belongs to the school, even so, he had been sitting in the same place for almost three months. Who the girl think she is that she can come and steal his place? Kenma thinks about how can someone even like her, no wonder he never liked a girl. Later in the volleyball practice, already sweaty and tired, he starts to put away all the balls in the gym, everyone in the first years is supposed to do it, but they always leave him alone at the end. It’s going to be fun he said, Kenma kicks the ball, He spent his days on the team the same as he did before, just because he was the youngest and the smallest didn’t mean that everyone should step on him.

"Sorry, we shouldn't always leave you alone with the heavy work" one of the first year replied Yaku, I think it's his name, thinks Kenma.

"It's okay" Kenma simply replies "it's not your fault" he adds, and it’s the truth , Kai and Yaku were necessary in the team, they practiced all the time and Yaku was a good libero just as Kuroo that was one of the best players, he didn't even seem like a first year, the older ones never sent him to do anything and he always joked with the others, but they made Kenma fill water bottles every 5 minutes, clean the floor and collect the balls, it didn't seem that he was part of the team.

"When the third years leave, it will be easier, besides you are the only setter, Kozume" the dark haired and tall boy replies with a sincere smile, "I hope that will be fast because I'm already tired of his stupids pranks" the blonde replies, Kenma feels sorry for him, he still remembers when the clothes from his locker were hidden from the libero when he went to the showers, Kenma did not find it funny.

"And where is Kuroo anyways? Does he think he is untouchable because he constantly kisses the feet of the older players” Yaku says again, "I think he asked for permission to retire earlier," Kai tells him, that's why he never stays for cleaning, Kenma thinks, how unfair.

The classes are not so bad, what comes next is what he hates, the recess and lunch, since that day with those girls, they have start shouting mean things at him, Kenma does not pay attention to them, he is always with his headphones and his cell phone playing, at lunchtime he eats a little, he had never have a big appetite at this hour of the day, once he was looking for his lunch among his things and he realizes that it wasn’t there, he hears laughs on his right, he does not want to look, he knows what that is, he is just waiting for them to return their kitten cloth in which his mom wraps his lunch.

This becomes common, Ozuru Kobashi, no longer gets into his things, now he only demands that he give him his lunch, Kenma always does it reluctantly, he hates it, just because he is bigger and has some perforations in the half of his face thinks he can intimidate others. Kenma has an idea one day, before going to classes he put laxatives that his mother takes on her food sometimes so that he doesn’t steal him ever again. With sweaty hands Kenma waits for Ozuru to take away his lunch, maybe this is a bad idea he thinks, what if he founds out? What will he do to Kenma? Yet he watches every bite he takes, as he laughs with his mouth full of food, disgusting Kenma thinks.

“hungry?” When Kenma turns around following the sound of the voice, he sees Kuroo standing in front of him, he asks again when he sees Kenma's confused face.

"Aren't you hungry? You need protein, in order to grow and play better" Kuroo says to him, "Ahh yes, I suppose, I'm not hungry now" he looks at Kuroo irritated "Do you need something? " Kenma is surprised at his own tone.

“Ehh yes, I won't be able to go to practice today, would you mind informing the coach?” Kenma nods, "What? Does he play with you Kuroo? ” the girl he hates so much asks, Aiko Nagami.

“Yeppp, he is on the team” he smiles at the girl, she is laughing exaggeratedly "He doesn't look as an athlete, what position you play dear Kozume?" Kenma watches Kuroo mutter his name as if it's the first time he's heard it, Kenma ducks his head and mutters something to make her leave.

"What? I didn't hear you” she makes a gesture with her hands and places on her ear.

"Ball boy" Kuroo answers and first there is a silence followed by a laugh from the nearest people, Kenma didn’t think that Kuroo was able to hear him, they were not that close, his cheeks are red already and his ears are ringing.

“Ha ha, I mean, he is a setter” Kuroo responds again as he runs his hand behind his neck clearly nervous.

"Ball boy that sounds like something you would do, what do I have to do to have that important position?" Asks someone from the group of Ozuru generating more laughter, Kenma tries to shrink, Why is everyone so close? Don't they have their own things to do? Kenma says to himself feeling the eyes of his classmates at him, before Kuroo answers Aiko interrupts him, "He's only going to see the boys to take a shower, it must be his favorite part of the day", Kenma suddenly raises her head and looks at her, She just smiles at him, he looks at Kuroo and he just looks down.

"Iughh, is that why Kozume?" I think I don't want to be your friend anymore ” Ozuru answers from his seat, friend? Kenma is more offended by that, he doesn't know what to do, he should reply or laugh with them as if he was involved in the joke? he listen a couple more comments about sweaty guys.

“Are you okay?” Kuroo asks, Kenma gently shakes his head to the sides, he feels his eyes watery already, don't cry, don't cry, he says to himself, "You look a little pale, you should go to the nursery" adds Kuroo with a worried tone, Kenma feels relieved, perhaps he will defend him or change the subject as he did years ago, Kenma raises his head to look at his hazel eyes, but Kuroo is at Ozuru desk speaking to him , he responds "Yes, I do not feel very well", the pills Kenma remembers, he watches as he abruptly stand and runs from the classroom, his friends follow him, Kuroo walks to his front seat and sits down, the girls change the subject about a party, Kenma thanks his mother's diet.

After informing the coach about Kuroo he tells Kenma to train with the official team, he wants to see how he plays with the other players for the following matches, it is not so difficult, Kenma does not have to move as much as the others and he likes to throw the ball at different heights depending on the player, is like a video game where you can control everything, his favorite move? Fintas, nobody ever expects them. When the third graders ask for water in the middle of the game, the coach scolds them saying to raise their own ass and go for themselves, they send an aggressive look at Kenma, especially the setter. Kenma lately has being playing more and more in training matches, it was worth the effort of the first three months he says. When the coach announces that they have an official practice match with a nearby school “Fukurodani”, Kenma is the chosen setter for the match.

"This is my last year, I will not have more opportunities, also I play better than the boy" refutes the cocky setter in the showers, Kenma dresses to leave quickly, he does not have time to feel bad, he knows that Fukurodani is a great school and the coach told them that with the new players they could perhaps win, this excites him.

When Kenma was leaving the school towards the station he hit a pole, "You should look where you're going," someone says to him, Kenma clings to his console and turns around, they are the third grade boys.

"Yes, if you don't pay attention then you can get in trouble" the other tells him, the setter stands in front of Kenma with a finger pressing his chest, "Do you think that YOU, among all others, will take my place? ” Should Kenma respond?

"He doesn't even move his ass in practice, look at him, he doesn't look like a player, he's all bony," says the other as he takes him by the arm and approaches the alley, still pressing his PSP in his pocket with all his strength.

"I slightly touch him and he is purple already, better not leave too many bruises" says the third, the setter is so close to him that they almost touched noses, he lifts him from the shirt "If you don't want to get hurt, don't go to the game tomorrow, say that you got sick or something" he says "You could say that you shit your pants, it's wouldn’t be a lie " responds the other laughing, Kenma swallows and grabs the arm that is holding his chest with both hands, "Pathetic" one of them tells him when Kenma tries to get away, the setter releases him forcefully, and he falls to the ground, when he feels a kick Kenma closes his eyes as if that would ease the pain, he doesn't.

Kenma tries to say something "What?" one of them asks him, "I'm not going to the game" Kenma says again, he hears them laughing "Well, that was easy" says one of the bullies , "I don't think it's necessary to tell you what will happen to you if you tell someone about this right?" the bigger one asks.

"He asked you a question" Kenma feels another kick "Noo" he manages to say, he doesn't notice when they leave, Kenma stays sit in the alley, he doesn't cry or get angry, he's just sitting there looking at the wall, the only thing that he did was to play, he didn’t even consider himself a good player, it is not his fault that the setter does not know how to lift a ball, he touches his stomach, it does not hurt, but it will definitely leave a mark, when he feels his cell phone vibrate is when he gets up to go home.

"Look what time is it Kenma, Do you think that 10pm it’s a reasonable hour to arrive without telling us where you were?" his father asks him.

“A practice is a just a practice, I know you have an important match tomorrow, but at least you could warn us, a message Kenma, just a message, you are always with that cell phone" his mother firmly says, "I'm sorry", he repeats again . When he eats dinner, he realizes that his mom didn’t heat it enough, it is a little cold, but he is afraid to say anything so he just chews.

"We were worried" his father says, "I'm sorry" he says again with a lump in his throat. He collapses when he is showering, he cannot stop crying, he doesn’t want them to hear him, he touches his abdomen where the new bruises are already showing, when he leaves the shower he looks at the mirror, his eyes are red, he combs his hair without looking and then goes to bed.

His mother wakes him up with a big breakfast, today is the game, she tells him, I know you feel you have to practice more because you want to prove what you can do, but if you stay until later in the gym, let us know, adds his father while his mom runs his fingers under his eyes.

"Don't cry Kenma, we aren’t angry" Kenma only nods he must have had red eyes since last night, his head is killing him, he can hardly swallow the food. Kenma leaves his house with his gym bag in hand, when he is at the station he calls Shibayama and Fukunaga, but no one answers, Kenma sends a message to his coach saying that he has a very high fever and cannot go to the game, he turns off his cell phone quickly. He wanders around the city, goes to a video game store, enters a pharmacy, needs another shampoo the one he uses dries his hair too much, he buys one that gives him more shine and leaves, when he sees at the clock, he returns home.

“So? How did it go?" his mother asks as soon as he enters "Did you win?" his father asks him with the same emotion, with a smile he answers yes, and he tells them about the non-existent game while they eat apple pie.

50 laps around school Kenma has to do for missing the game and giving a silly excuse according to the coach, when he was on his 17th lap he started to feel kind of happy because his team didn't win the game. The coach forbids him to play that week and the third-graders are more hateful with him. "So you really are the ball boy" he hears Aiko say when he leaves the gym, he hears some laughter and the captain puts his arm around her neck and with the other hand touches her butt under her skirt, Kenma walks away quickly with a disgusted face . The team loses the mid-year competitions, his mom tells him that they will win next time.

Practice is becoming more and more insufferable, the third-years make his life impossible, they constantly mock him, once they forced him to shower with cold water while they were looking at him, when they were bragging about it in front of the team the next day in the lockers, only sophomores laugh. Classes are no better, Ozuru Kobashi keeps taking away his lunch, get teased by those girls, he is always alone, at lunchtime Kenma goes to sit at a remote place at school playing with his console, once when he comes back at the classroom he doesn't see his backpack anywhere, but he doesn't say anything, he just sits down and when everyone leaves Kenma starts to look for it everywhere, luckily he had his important things in the gym bag, and his PSP is always in his pocket , he has to tell his parents that he forgot it at the station. They scold him about for being forgetful and buy him another.

A few days later Kuroo gives him his backpack, Kenma receives it with his eyes as size of a plate "You should be more careful, I was in the Janitor’s closet, I had to clean the classroom today, and I saw it there", Kenma doesn't even know where that closet is "Thank you" he says and leaves.

Everyone was saying goodbye because the winter holidays were coming, Kenma didn’t say goodbye to anyone, he just wanted to get home, spend all day in his pajamas, eat apple pie, play until dawn and sleep, paradise did not last long, it was Monday and he was already sweating at volleyball practice, if he wanted to quit the team it would have to be at the beginning of the following year, shity rules Kenma says to himself, he sees Kuroo entering with his arms extended, with that half smirk on his face and announcing that he had grown 2 centimeters. 

Kenma was surprised to see him, today he was not in class, and his name was not on the list, he left the school he thought, later he heard him saying that he transferred to the advanced class, he never heard him answer something in class and in the presentations he cared more about making people laugh than explaining the topic. "This time we will win" he listen Kuroo say when he leaves the lockers, he hears how everyone screams and agrees with him, they laugh loudly and everyone agrees to go eat at the nearby market. On the way to the station Kenma convinces himself that he does not care, if he had been invited he would have said no, he exhales and counts to 10 maybe at college he can be part of something, go to parties, and meet friends who to go to eat something after classes, he will meet someone and fall in love as his parents did at that age, it is assumed that at 18 people are more mature, he'll get along with them, just a few more years, he tells himself as he looks out the window.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

  
  


"Come on, you should come with us!" Shouyou insisted for the tenth time that they to go to a pre-birthday party of his friend, "No, you know that I don’t do well in those environments, it does not matter I will stay here playing" Kenma replies while fighting with the boss of the twenty one stage.

"No, if you don't go I will stay here, after all you crossed the whole city and sacrificed your weekend to be with us" the little redhead answers as he turned in his desk chair, Kenma unconsciously puts a big smile on his face, he didn't want to go to the party, but he also didn't want to be alone, he was being selfish and he knew it, but he can't always visit Shouyou. The door of the room opens and closes suddenly, a voice is heard shouting "Why did I get a message from Nishinoya saying that we would go to his birthday party when it is still two weeks away? I thought we were going to play Mario Party, I've practiced a lot, I'm like this to beating Kenma” Tobio says when he enters while making a movement with his fingers.

"I thought I could convince Kenma to go, but apparently we will stay playing, and if someone is going to beat Kenma, it will be me" Shouyou says.

“Why will he make a birthday party two weeks earlier?” Kenma asks, the two boys look at each other and respond at the same time "It's just an excuse for a party", the last time he went to a party it was probably when he was a child there were clowns, hundreds of balloons and a trampoline, maybe this is what he needs, he was already 18 years old, he also trust his friends, he might even have a good time, who knows ... "Okay, I'll go."

Why the hell did he decide to come? He is in a club full of people, they already spilled two drinks on him, his ears scream for his headphones, he smells bad and his feet hurt from standing, “How many drinks did you have? Tobio asks, approaching him wrinkling his nose, surely he is here to hide like him, Tobio can have a thousand times the confidence that Kenma does not have, but it does not mean that he knows how to speak with people.

"Somebody spilled his drink on me, that's why I smell like this" Kenma answered while wrinkling his nose too, when they arrived he took a sip of alcohol, it was enough to decide that he would not do it again, it tastes gross.

“I will gladly give you my spot to take the shower first" he says, then he adds, swinging on his feet "So...my theory was correct, people do not respect personal space."

"They never did it" says Kenma, "Where's Shouyou?" adds the blonde, Tobio shrugs.

"I thought he would be with you, do you want to look for him so we can leave?" he just watches him, he doesn't know if he asks for himself or Kenma, the two of them have a face of not wanting to be here, Kenma grabs him by the sleeve of his shirt and follows him. Everything is dark, he hears nothing and two girls collided with him throwing him to the floor dragging Tobio in the process, in the end he decides to take Kenma's hand to get out faster while murmuring "idiot Hinata", he is not answering his cell Kenma tells him as he put his cellphone in his pocket with his free hand.

"Daichi said that he was near the back exit door", while they were walking a girl approaches Tobio's ear to say something to him, Kenma can't hear it but from his face he can imagine that it is not the first time a girl come close to him during the night, he has to admit that Tobio is an attractive person with his big blue eyes that stand out more with his black hair, in addition that his body shows the years of playing volleyball, what would they say if they knew that he is already taken by an orange bouncing ball with unlimited energy ?

“Don’t.say.it” Tobio warns him irritated, Kenma just widens his smile.

When they get outside they see a lot of people, many of them are smoking, Tobio hates the smell of cigarettes, he grabs Kenma's hand tighter and starts walking faster without breathing.

"Then I did whammmmn and Kageyama made powww" he can hear Shouyou, his soul leaves his body when he hears those laughs, when they get closer they can see their friend talking with Kuroo Tetsurou and Bokuto Koutarou.

"Hey, hey, hey" the boy who looks more like an owl than a human exclaims, he can feel the sweat accumulating in his hands, the same hand that Tobio is holding tightly.

"Hinata, Kenma and I want to go home," he announces, covering his nose with his free hand for the smell of cigarettes. "BUT IT’S EARLY!!!" He replies with a sad face.

"Yes, we are tired, we will probably gonna take a bath and then we will go straight to bed, tomorrow we can play Mario party, come on" Kenma opens his mouth to defend himself, what just came from Tobio's lips sounded so bad that he feels his whole body red with shame, he feels Kuroo's gaze on him.

"Hahahaha come on Hinata they are waiting for you, don't let your friend suffer any longer he wants to get out of here" Bokuto replies while moving his eyebrows suggestively. "Yes-" Hinata is interrupted by Kuroo "If you don't want to leave, you don't have to Hinata, aren't you having a good time?" and there he goes again with his toothpaste commercial smile.

"Hinata let's go, I won't let you go home alone" Tobio replies irritated, Kuroo looks at him up and down and says "Why do you want him to go? three's a crowd.” with a provocative tone.

"Ha ha, okay, okay, see you guys soon" Shouyou says as walking away and saying goodbye with his hands, Kenma has his eyes glued to the floor when he starts walking being guided by Tobio's hand, “Hinata you idiot, How much did you drink?” he says to the redhead "ehh just two glasses of mmm I don't remember the name" he answers, Kenma making sure they are far, releases the hand that was holding Tobio, then he runs it through his jeans to dry the sweat "Sorry” he says to Tobio , but he just looks at him and asks him if he's okay, he doesn't know what to answer to that.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

He decides not to tell his parents about the bullying he suffers, instead he tells them that it would be better if he changed to a better school “But what about your team? With your friend Kuroo?” how does she remembers that Kenma thinks, "So I can apply to a better university" he assures them. "Already thinking about your future? Very good son! Do the school exams in a month and there we will see which one will you go” his dad says. 

He knows that he does not need to study for those exams, it is not to brag, but Kenma considers himself a really smart person, he only studies once and that stay there in his brain, he doesn’t need to study for weeks like the others, although he has lowered his notes, but that's strictly the fault of his peers. The harassment by his bullies has stopped due to Kenma's lack of interest, he supposes. The volleyball team is another story, the bossed him around every day during practice, Yaku, Kai and Kuroo try to ease the work, but they never say anything, he never played an official game since he always "gets sick" before matches, the nerves he says. 

It is no longer necessary to "warn" me not to play this Saturday, I know, he says to the third-grade students when he sees them approaching him, that day they give him the worst beating, for "smart ass" they justify themselves, it is the first time that they left a mark in his face, now he understands what it means to have a black eye, he manages to convince his parents saying that it was an accident in practice involving a player's elbow against his face.

"Did you get caught staring, Kozume?" one of his classmates asks him, Kenma has already learned to ignore them, he does not know where the rumor that he is in the team just to sexually harass his teammates came from, Kenma is disgusted to think about it, AS IF HE WAS GOING TO LOOK AT ONE OF THEM, his mind screams at the boy, although he has to admit that he has never been attracted to a girl, but also not to a boy, maybe sometimes when he plays he spends hours impersonating the male character to make him more attractive, and sometimes he masturbates while playing BL games, but that doesn't mean anything.

He looks himself in front of the mirror with scissors in hand, he already has shoulder-length hair, he needs to look more masculine, in the end he only decides to cut 3 centimeters, he loves his hair like this, he doesn't want to cut it, maybe he’ll change the color, when his mom opens the bathroom door and sees her horror face she helps with his hair, in his mind he thought that he had cut it decently.

He was collecting the last balls when he goes to the showers, he only changes his clothes, for months he stopped showering in the establishment. His feet are killing him, but in just a few weeks he will be free, he knows that they force him to work more, because the third-grade students lost and they have to go, he doesn't even know why they come to train anymore, they are those people who will never have anything else in their pathetic life but their high school memories, they'll get nowhere in life and when they are 40, hairless and a giant belly with 2 divorces they will only have their fucking memories when they used to be someone.

He is surprised to see Kuroo there, only with his shorts he thought that he had left early like almost every day, that means that he had to tidy up the entire gym alone while he was here, as if reading his mind he says "Tomorrow I promise that I will clean everything, I will even clean the floors, so you can go early” he gives him a half smile. “okay” he answers.

Kuroo stares at him and his smile widens. "You cut your hair" he says, "ehh yes, a few weeks ago, but I did" Kenma says while playing with a strand of hair, he wants to ask how his advanced class are going, if he likes video games, if he wants to go eat ice cream later, he wants to ask him why did he invite him to play promising that it would be fun if Kenma is clearly suffering.

"It looks pretty" Kuroo says, Kenma blushes and looks down to play with the sleeves of his sweatshirt, Kuroo still has no shirt, "Thank you" he says quietly, should I return the compliment?

"You too" he responds quickly, and when he hears a laugh he looks instantly, he frowns and tries to understand if he is making fun of him, but he only sees a relaxed expression, bright hazel eyes and a different smile.

"Next year things will change" he says out of nowhere, is this supposed to make him feel better? There are still the second years, they are not as bad as his elders, but still they treat it like scum. This means that Kuroo was aware of the bullying Kenma receive all the time and he never did anything? not that he have to do something, they are nothing, they are not even classmates. Why has offended him that Kuroo hasn’t defend his honor? He continues to look at Kenma him with a sadder smile, followed by an expression of panic, he watches him how he begins to dress quickly, Kenma feels a presence behind him, it’s the captain.

"Everything okay here Kuroo?" he asks in a tone that he cannot decipher, "Yes, we were leaving" he says clearly nervous, Kenma doesn’t bother to take off his uniform, he just puts his clothes on and leaves. With his PSP in hand and a smile on his face, he is on his way home.

He should get used to it already in not trusting Kuroo Tetsurou's promises, he tells himself while he orders the gym alone, as it is Friday, it is more cleaning than he has to do. He is getting ready in the lockers when he hears one of the third years laughing about something, Kenma looks up and the three of them are watching him, now what do they want? he says to himself, while tying his sneakers.

“What a pair of nice sneakers" one of them says "Matches with your nice socks" the other adds laughing, Kenma just stare at them "Why are you looking at us like that ?!" The captain yells at him, erasing the laugh he had only a few seconds ago, Kenma looks down.

"God, I hate when he looks at us like that, disgusting" Kenma starts to move to leave, "Where are you going? I thought this was one of your fantasies" the setter says , Kenma start to breathe faster and faster.

"You think I didn't notice yesterday how you were looking at Kuroo? You were practically drooling” Maybe that's why Kuroo did not come to practice today, the captain got mad at him because of him and left him a black eye and he didn’t want to come to school, it would not be the first time he sees Kuroo with bruises, his thought are interrupted with more laughter.

"If you turn it around, it looks just like a girl," "Is there any other way?" they laugh mockingly, Kenma starts to panic, his eyes are wide open "HA, he seems that he to likes the idea" the captain says approaching Kenma, he can't scream, he can't speak, he has his throat dry. He throws him to the floor and he is left with his back on the ground, he grabs him by the foot and draws him towards him. Kenma yells "No, no, please," the captain looks at him and suddenly takes off his sneakers.

"They’re a good brand, we can sell them" he passes them to the other, Kenma tries to kick him, then he takes off his socks, he sees one of them checking his bag, "Please" he begs, the three laugh again.

"You fucking wish" he says as he gets up and leaves, Kenma runs from the gym he steps on some stones, but he keeps running, he almost reaches the exit of the school, he has his PSP in his pocket he starts to pull it out to hold it.

"He has a cell phone! He's going to call someone!” he feels Aiko's voice, she's shaking him by the arm, but he manages to get away, he keeps running, but he feels steps behind him "Where do you think you're going?", Kenma sees the cars go by, it's a little dark but if he screams..."What do you want?" He says "What do you want?" he yells at them louder with tears of anger in his eyes, without answering he snatches his PSP and throws it against the wall, Kenma opens his mouth to say something, but no words come out, he sees how they step on his PSP that cost so much money to his Parents, how long did it took him to pass the levels, how many nights he fell asleep clinging to his most precious object, when it is completely destroyed in the floor, he loses its balance when he is pushed to the floor, he looks up and sees those four mocking faces.

Kenma is walking home, they did not let him enter the station without shoes, they stole his money from his wallet, he doesn’t even have a little to pay the bus, when he listens to his cell, he is shocked, he thought that it had been stolen too, it was his Mom to tell him that they’ll stay up until late at his father's work dinner, it is fate, Kenma thinks, if his mom had have seen him crying, without shoes, with bleeding feet, and without his PSP, she would have definitely gone to the police, perhaps it was for the best.

When Kenma arrives, he bathes for almost an hour, he has glasses on his feet, he hopes that it is nothing serious enough to go to the hospital, when he takes them out, only the uncomfortable sensation remains, he goes to bed with the hair wet. He doesn't leave his room the next day, he plays with his old console most of the day, he has a hard time walking “Another volleyball injury?” his mother asks him, he answers yes, and then tells her that the practice is over, it is not necessary for him to go anymore. He have not yet received an acceptance letter to the schools he applied to.

When he enters the classroom he avoids Aiko Nagami more than normal, he takes out his old console and begins to play to distract himself, a few more weeks he says.

"Did your parents run to buy you another one?" Asks that nasty voice, Kenma doesn't flinch "What will they say when they find out that his son is a fucking fag?" Kenma looks up, sees Kuroo Tetsurou approaching, when their eyes meet Kuroo quickly turns back to the door, he ignores the comments, Kuroo did not look hurt, he did not have bruises and can hear his loud laugh from his seat, if he was hurt, he wouldn’t laugh like this "I just wanted to ask Kozume something about practice but he looked busy," he says defensively to the group of teammates who monopolized his attention.

He doesn’t return to practice, nobody says anything to him, not even the coach goes to say something to him. Kenma did not bother going to the last day of school, your little friend will miss you, his mother tells him, maybe you can see him in the summer, she says sweetly, Kenma doesn’t answer he is quite depressed, no school accepted him, they will call when they have an available spot they told to his father, his mother runs his hand over his shoulder squeezing him.

"Actually" Kenma says out of nowhere, "Kuroo will change classes to a more advanced one, and maybe i won't see him again," he says with a pout. "But he is your friend, and you will continue to see each other in the hallway," his mother tells him. "It will not be the same," he replies with a penetrating gaze.

"I will see what I can do, write me down the number of the class you will be changing to" his mother says with a sincere smile, Kenma writes down the number of the class in which he is sure that Kuroo is not, "That is the one" Kenma says relieved.

  
  


Summer passes very quickly for Kenma's taste, tomorrow he begins his second year, he looks in the mirror before leaving, his golden eyes stare back at him, he has huge circles under his eyes, which is even more noticeable with his paleness, his black hair is at his shoulder level, with a disgusted face, he looks away from the mirror and continues his way, at least he got a little bit tall. When he enters his new classroom Kenma positions himself in the last row by the window, he arrives first, he takes out his PSP and starts playing, it is a new one, they gave it to him for Christmas, Kenma takes care of it with his life.

He thought that he could make friends, but everyone knows each other since last year, so everyone is sitting in groups laughing, they are not laughing at you Kenma he tries to convincing himself. It had been like this for a week, it was not so bad, he did not speak to anyone and nobody spoke to him, he could live with it, he only felt the glances of his new classmates from time to time, of course they spoke of him and they teased, they all do it, luckily they don't do it to his face. Sometimes in the hallways he encounters people from his former class, they bullied him, he just ignored them. Kenma's new favorite hideout was the janitor's closet, in his spare time he would lock himself in there to play, no one ever bothered him, he would hide in the deepest part, spread his legs and play, sometimes he skipped classes, no one noticed.

At lunchtime Kenma hurried to go to his hiding place, when he was almost arriving he heard his name."Kozume! KOZUMEE!!!" Kenma wanted the earth to swallow him, he felt everyone's gaze.

"I was looking for you" Kuroo says breathlessly "I didn't know you changed course, why?" he says with a nervous laugh. Why?! Ha, Kenma gives him an exasperated look.

"What do you want?"

"Straight to the point huh?" he says grabbing him by the arm, Kenma moves quickly so he can't reached him.

"Sorry, sorry I just wanted to know, well why didn't you come to practice?" he says nervously. Really? he thinks, he begins to walk away from the fuss.

"We don’t have another setter," Kuroo says following him.

"I’m not going back" he simply says.

"But why?" Kenma shoots him a cold look before locking himself in the bathroom.

  
  


1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

He felt dizzy and wanted to vomit. When he returned to class he felt the gaze of his classmates, he shrank in his seat and continued playing. I won't play again, he refuses, he told himself, it doesn’t matter that third-graders are gone, I never really enjoy it anyway.

  
  


He was playing in his hideout like he used to do at lunchtime when he felt the door to the small room open, he paused his game, the only light source was his screen, he heard someone mutter something, Are the stories of the janitor ghost real? Kenma wondered, he was afraid to speak and that the spirit would answer him.

"Ehmmm" he tried to say, Kenma without raising his head because he was afraid to look, he brought the game closer to his face so he could see.

"Shit. Shit. Shit," he heard someone say as the person tried to open the door, when he felt a blinding light he tried to blink to get his eyes accustomed to the light, he dragged his knees to the door.

"JESUS CHRIST" he saw Kuroo lying against the wall in front of the closet with his long legs spread, "But what the fuck Kozume?" he said amused, before letting out a loud laugh.

"You scared the shit out of me" he said with his hand on his chest when he catch his breath only to laugh again, Kenma looked up, the hall was full of students who let out little laughs, then they started to laughed out loud, he looked back at Kuroo who kept pressing his hand against his chest.

"My God, my heart," Kenma couldn't help but smile and giggle.

"Don't laugh, you really scared me" he says with that typical smile on his face "It was all dark, there was only one light and with your hair like that, I thought you were Sadako" he adds with a laugh, Kenma's smile fades, he moves his hand to his hair, he realizes that he had it on his face then he makes a movement with his head to clear the hair from his face, the laughter increases and increases no, they were no longer laughing, they were mocking him, Kenma reddens and stands up abruptly, with his head down walking towards his classroom, the laughs echoes in his ear.

"Here you have Sadako" one of his classmates says in front of him when passing the exam, "Good morning Sadako" he hears them say when he enters the classroom, when he is eating his lunch, he hears Aiko's voice, Kenma growls "Now I have a picture with a celebrity" exclaims the girl as she takes the photo,"See you, Sadako" she says when she leaves the room.

Among all the people who could he be compare to, why did they decide to do it with a murderous little ghost girl from a horror movie? How long does it take for the joke to die? It's not even that funny, a month has passed and everyone continues with the same thing, he contemplated the idea of cutting his hair, but he knew that it was going to generate even more laughter, he was sure that he even heard a teacher call him Sadako once. The worst thing is that now he couldn't go back to his closet.

He was passing the level that had cost him almost a week, when he looks forward and sees feet and a large shadow, it was Kuroo, he did not have to look at it to know what he had that false smile plastered on his face, he really hated it, he once had had a nightmare where that smile swallowed him, when he was in Kuroo's stomach the real Sadako was there and strangled Kenma for posing as her, lack of sleep and many video games were already affecting him, he blinks hard twice .

“What?" he finally asks Kuroo without taking his eyes off his game.

"Will you come to practice today?" Kenma stands and start walking, he doesn't want to talk about this again, so he goes to hide in the bathroom, Kuroo keeps talking to him, but he ignores him, just like he has done it all this time.

"Are you going to to watch me while I take a shit?" Kenma tells him when they are alone in the bathroom, when he looks up he is surprised to see that Kuroo does not have that smile on his face, he looks a little irritated.

"Don’t you understand? The team needs you” Kenma tries to analyze it,“Now you can even play in the official matches, the new ones are the ones who have to clean and tidy up” Kenma wrinkles his face.

"No" he says, Kuroo looks surprised, has someone ever have been told him no?

"How? ... How can you say that? There is no other setter, nobody knows how to, we would have to train someone, but that will only delays us.” Perhaps Kenma dreamed of all the harassment he suffered, he will never return there, for nothing and for no one, the entire team witnessed his suffering, and now they need him ?

"I will never come back," he says.

"You're throwing away all the team effort, everything we've fought for. How can you be so selfish?" he says angrily raising his voice, who does he think he is? doesn't he know that all of this is all his fault, he never wanted to join the team in the first place, he hates it, he hates it, he hates, if he hadn't convinced him to join the club, if he hadn't called him Sadako, all the misfortunes that happened to him have had to do with Kuroo. 

"Selfish? Your team has not done anything for me, I picked up the damn balls for the whole fucking year" he says raising the tone of his voice.

"That is normal, you put up with it, we all go through that. Your problem is that you are lazy, since the previous team that all you did was sit on the bench, but you also gave up on them too” he says angrier. He doesn’t understand his point, he can't force him to play, right?

“What does it matter if I quit or not! The team would still suck, I would not make a difference, what they need is a miracle” it is true, they lost both times in the first round, when that happen Kenma smiled secretly.

“W-what...how, You know what? You are a damn deserter, the worst fucking class, when you start something, you finish it. Don't come back, you're just a coward” he says with a voice full of hatred, he doesn't look at his face when he kicks the bathroom door open, Kenma was alone. He locks himself in one of the bathrooms, he did not need to people telling him, he knew he was a coward, he only focuses on playing his game, his chest hurts, he never asked for any of this, I hope they lose all their games, I hope Kuroo Tetsurou fractures himself he said as his tears fell.

It is strange to get home so early, his parents are not there, he comes in and takes off his shoes, he goes to the kitchen and leaves his food that he took in the morning intact at the counter, he is not hungry, his stomach hurts, his chest also hurts and he feels a tickling all over his body, it is difficult for him to breathe a little, he thinks that is for the best, so he could misses school. When he enters the bathroom he splashes cold water on his face, he is hot, he loosens his tie, I have to eat more, he says at loud, he is very skinny, he looks in the mirror, he is paler than ever, the veins on his face are showing ,he has dark circles and his hair is no longer shining, he lowers his face, that's why he avoids the mirror.

He collapses in his bed, he is agitated, perhaps they poisoned him, the tears involuntarily come out of his eyes and they burn his cheeks. "Why am I crying?" he says to himself while giggling, well now he's a maniac. They are all the same, all teenagers enjoy others pain, he hates them, he hates them, he hates Kuroo, he hopes he will never see him again, it is a big school after all. Those people do nothing with their lives, he assures himself, karma eventually will go for them, he cannot be the popular boy, star athlete and with good grades all his life, he will screw up about something, he hopes to witness that.


	5. Chapter 5

"We are going to play against your college team" Shouyou shouts at him when he answers the cell phone and insists him to go, he doesn't want to, he doesn't like gyms, and he doesn't want to see Kuroo and Bokuto play, does that makes him a bad friend? He promises that they will see each other after the game.

**\- Kenma: Is it over?**

\- Shouyou: Yes.

**\- Kenma: Did you lost?**

-Shouyou: Yes…

Kenma curses, he really wanted to Shouyou and Tobio to win the match.

**-Kenma: Sorry, today it’s on me.**

-Shouyou: Now we are with the other team, they invited us to lunch to give us advice. we can go to your room later if you want ??

**-Kenma: Okay.**

He is angry, but it is not fair to tell Shouyou about it, he thought he would spend the day with his friends, but now they are having lunch with Kuroo Tetsurou. What if he tells them stuff about the past? Kenma didn’t mention that he knew Kuroo, and doubts that Kuroo would talk about him, the topic will not come up. He is about to open the door when he hears laughter and unknown voices no, they are not unknown. Shouyou knocks. Kenma knows that he is not alone. Why did he brought them here? To his room? Kenma doesn’t get up. “I think it's not here”, he hears him say discouraged through the door.

“I’ll call him" Tobio says, he gets up slowly to look for his cell phone, he knows it is on silent, it always is, but maybe they can hear it vibrate so he grabs it and presses it against his body. "He is not answering, maybe he left earlier" he is still as a statue "don't be an idiot he never goes out" Kenma rolls his eyes, after a few minutes and a few missed calls he hears them leave. Well, now Kuroo Tetsurou knows where he lives.

**\- Kenma: Sorry I had a surprise class.**

Does such a thing exist?

\- Shouyou: No problema :D

**\- Kenma: What did you do after?**

\- Shouyou: We went out with some of your college team, we already knew each other we had matches together in the past, hey you never told me that you went to school with Kuroo!

**\- Kenma: I didn't know that you knew each other, we weren't even in the same class.**

\- Shouyou: But he told me that you played together on the same team and for years! he ask me about you, so I told him we could meet with you and we went to your room, but you weren't there, then we went to play volleyball a little more, your gym is hugeeeee.

**\- Kenma: what did he say about me? no, what did you tell him about me?**

\- Shouyou: He only ask me about how you were, what were you studying and if you knew Kageyama for a long time, I only answered him because he is your friend.

**\- Kenma: He is not my friend. I would appreciate that you didn't talk about me with other people.**

\- Shouyou: D: I'm so sorry he said that you were...

\- I’m really

-realllyyy

-soryyyy

-Kenmaaaa

\- :(

-It was Kageyama's idea to go looking for you at your dorm, I wanted to call you before to ask for permission. get mad at him!

**-Kenma: I'm not mad.**

He was mad, he sighed, it's not fair to take it out on Shouyou.

**-Just don't talk about me with him again. and don't bring strangers into my room.**

With that last message, he turned off his cell, now he makes sure to lock the door twice before leaving, he was well aware of the jokes that were happening in the area, and he knew that Kuroo lived just downstairs, he did not want to arrive one day and find his room full of lobsters or something.

24 minutes are left before the class start, but he was already sitting in his favorite spot while playing with his PSP when he felt the door of the classroom open, he did not look up until he felt the presence of someone close to him, of course it was Kuroo Tetsurou, he saw how he settled In the table next to him, Kenma got disconcentrated and lost, it only lasts another two minutes when he loses again.

"You are not that good, don’t you?" Kuroo asks with that same smirk as always, he does not answer, he just restarts the level, when he felt as if hours has passed Kuroo opened his mouth again.

"Did you get to the part of the Stokes' theorem on the report?" Did Kuroo wants me to give him my homework to him?

“No” I said , I didn’t want to give him part of my report. 

“Really? I can help you” he did not want to look at him, something he must want in return. Why else will he offers his help?

"I can manage."

"It’s pretty hard, I struggled a lot but in the end I managed to understand it, I don't mind teaching you" ... Who the fuck does he think he is? I'm not stupid, I wanted to tell him.

"I already finished it," I said dryly.

"Ohhh okay, if you need anything you can ask me" he says as he takes things out of his backpack. He wants to sit somewhere else, but he would not give Kuroo that satisfaction.

When the class starts, he notices that Kuroo writes a lot, the way he writes on his computer is quite noisy, it is as if he is transcribing the entire class on his laptop, Kenma gets bored so he start texting his parents from his computer, check some news for the release of a new game, scrolls through Twitter for the latest news.

"So this is why you always sit at the back," Kuroo says whispering, he blushes when he got caught, he closes all the tabs with a single click. "Don't worry, I wasn't going to say anything," he says amused. The class was ending when the teacher announced that the next report would be in pairs, he felt Kuroo's intense gaze on him

"Let's be partners" he says, Kenma doesn't know what excuse to say. Do I already have another partner? that is 100% bullshit , he doesn’t even knows anyone's name in this room.

"What about your partner?" He replies "What partner?" he says amused

"I need someone of my level, you have one of the highest grades" he did not have the highest grades in fact, this was the most difficult class for him.

"Ehmmm no I don't, you can ask someone smarter" he says, but he sees how everyone was already in pairs.

"It seems that we are the only ones left, I will write our names down.”

He was walking down the hallway quickly from the classroom, debating whether to skip the next class or not.

"Hey wait!" Kuroo runs to him "I need your number so we can talk about the report that way we will work better"

"Don't you have an email?" Kenma says, he didn't want to give him his number.

"Ah yes ha ha" he says nervously while exchanging emails, "See you Kozume" he says cordially while waving his hand in the air.

He doesn't see him again until the next class when he sits down next to him again. "I thought we would agree through email when to start the report," Kuroo says, Kenma never checked his email.

"We can advance our parts alone and then put them together," he says as he presses his fingers against his game.

"That’s not working as a team, only one day will be enough," he sees the clock, there are still 18 minutes for the class to start. Why did he get early again?

"It is not that difficult, anyway, I already started a part" he says without taking his eyes off his game. 

"I did a bit too, we can do it that way but in the end we have to join our parts together" Kuroo turns on his laptop to show him his progress, Kenma sees that he made about four pages, it could be copied and pasted from Wikipedia he thinks, although the information is really familiar.

"Ehhh I think we did the same part" Kenma shows him his laptop, Kuroo laughs "SEE! that's why we need to work as a team, so for this not to happen again, what day are you free? ”

He doesn't want to, he doesn't want to hang out with him, “On Saturdays at 9 a.m. " He only said it so that Kuroo would reject him, but he accepts, he doesn't want to get up early tomorrow, he had planned to play until late today, surely Kuroo had some party to go to, but even so, they still agree to meet at the library.

When Kenma sits, the clock is at 9:18 he doesn't apologize to Kuroo for being late, it's practically his fault that he got up so early.

"You are not a very morning person, are you?" Kuroo says smirking, he just growls at him in response, Kuroo laughs. It’s not too bad to work with him, they are both fast, they do not talk unnecessarily and since there is no one else in the library at that time they play music, Kuroo has a good taste, even some anime songs appear in his playlist, Kuroo blushes and when he is about to change it, Kenma says that it does not bother him. It was almost 1 o'clock when his stomach start growling, they were close to finish the thing, he could go and buy a chocolate.

"Okay, is enough for today. Do you want to grab lunch together?" Kuroo asks, Kenma just stared at him to see if it's a joke or not. "We can finish later" he insists, Kenma was hungry but he doesn't know if he wants to go with Kuroo to eat as if they were the best of friends "I’ll pay" he tries to convince him.

"Okay."

He thought they would go to the campus cafeteria, but Kuroo guides him to a nearby restaurant, it's small, cozy, and smells really good. When they wait for the food in the seats at the back, Kuroo asks him if he had come here before, he shakes his head, he likes the fact that he doesn't press him for making conversation.

"What are you playing?" Kuroo asks from across the table.

"You wouldn't know it."

“Try me.” Kenma only watches him. 

“The Super Great ultimate conquest IV ” he answers.

“I know it!”, Kenma puts his game down "Really?" Kuroo nods excitedly.

"Because I just made it up" Kuroo opens his eyes and throws his head backwards, he starts laughing very loudly.

"Every game is called the same," he laughs, with a smile he responds "The final Road, that's what it's called."

"Is it good?" he says interested.

"There are better ones, but it is entertaining, the graphics are good, the writing is a bit strange," he adds, "You must like video games a lot, Is that why you chose your career?" Kenma nods, maybe I should make the conversation flow.

“And you? ehhh, What are you studying?” Kuroo smiles at him.

“Biochemistry.”

Kenma looks at him to see if he's kidding, but it seems that he is not.

"Wow that sounds difficult."

"It is, a little bit, but I like it"

They talk while they eat, about the news, their classes, his video games, Kuroo's favorite movies, which if they are not Disney movies for children are bloody action movies with a lot of explosions, they never talk about their time at high school.

"It's already 4 o'clock. Don't you have something to do?" Kenma's heart shrinks. Why does he ask that? Is he making fun of him because he has nothing to do on a Saturday afternoon? He shouldn't have come, he knew it.

"I ask because you said you were free only on Saturday mornings," he says, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Ehh yes, it’s already late, I have to finish some...things, from other classes” he says as they stand to leave. They walk together through campus.

"We can do this again next week, to finish the report" Kuroo tells him when they are in his floor.

"Yes, I'll see when I'm free," he replies.

“Your number” Kuroo says "We can coordinate by messages, we barely chek at our emails, it will be more efficient this way" he adds quickly.

"Okay.”

When they say goodbye with the promise that Kuroo will write him, Kenma really hopes he didn't make a mistake.

✩ ✩ ✩

After the winter break, he hears on the halls that the volleyball team lost again, it was to be expected, without a setter they would not get anywhere. The days go by quickly, he still haven’t made any friends, but it is no longer his priority, he feels comfortable like that, Aiko sometimes bothers him when she goes to his classroom, she has some friends there, so she is almost always there, Kenma no longer goes out to the hallways, he just stays in his seat playing.

"Yes, I’m telling you that my ex felt very uncomfortable every time he changed his clothes, he always looked at him, I wouldn't be surprised if he had some hidden pictures" Aiko Nagami says sitting with a group of people near his seat.

“Hey Kozume, Kozumeeee, KOZUME, Sadako!!” Kenma looks at her to roll his eyes, the little group laughs out loud.

"If you want some pictures of my ex's member you just have to ask me" more laughs.

He doesn't understand how they can believe all those ridiculous rumors. What did Kenma ever did to make everyone mock at him? He never bothered anyone. Was being quiet a crime? Perhaps if he answered them they would leave him alone. He was already 16 years old and he understood what homosexuality means, he knew that where he lives people abhor the concept, he does not see the problem, he does not understand how being in love with someone of the same sex is a bad thing. He is old enough to realize that he is not interested in women, not that he has his eyes on any man he knows, so everything is entirely platonic. It scares him to think that he is this way because they harassed him so much that he came to conform with it. How did they know before he did? Is it the way he speaks? His behavior? His damn long hair must be, it has pass his shoulders, but he doesn't want to cut it, he likes it that way.

He had to clean the classroom along to the student who comes after his name on the list, he must have run away because Kenma was alone in the classroom, he refused to stay more than 10 minutes, it looked very clean to him, he went to leave the cleaning instruments to the janitor's closet, he was arranging it when the door closed. Kenma jumped with the sound he clumsily tried to approach to the switch, but it didn't work, he turned the knob but the door didn't work.

"Legend says that you can still hear Sadako's screams in the corridors" a male voice says, a few laughs join him, Kenma tries to open the door with more force, he hears more and more laughter.

"Sadako only devours men" another voice says, he hit on the door.

“So you stay where you belong, in the closet” Aiko says from the other side, the laughter and screaming fade until he no longer hears them. His backpack must be in the classroom next to his cell phone and his PSP, he starts banging on the door harder until his voice comes out.

"Hey, open the door, please, someone, I'm locked up" pathetic he thinks, he looks around for something that can help him to open the door but he only manages to trip, it's very dark, he hears a noise behind him, he stands abruptly and knock off a shelf, he screams, it must be nothing, he keep shouting for someone to open the door.

He must have been inside it for hours, his throat already hurts from screaming, his eyes hurt from rubbing his fists so much to draw the tears, he is sitting cross-legged, he wants to go to the bathroom, he is not going to hold it he thinks, tomorrow someone will open the door and will only see a Kenma in his own pool of piss, now they will never stop bothering him, he clench his fists, if Sadako were here he would make a deal with her, his soul in exchange for a visit to those who did this to him. He closes his legs harder, he is going to pee himself, he will smell bad, he will be uncomfortable, people will see him.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, exhale, exhale, exhale, exhale, exhale.

Kenma can’t breath, his chest hurts, he wants to lay there to cry and piss. He is sobbing when someone opens the door.

"Are you okay?" He ask him, based on how he his dressed he must be the school guard, he has many keys in his hand, Kenma stands up and runs to the bathroom, luckily he manages to get there, when he looks outside it is already dark, he washes his face and sees the guard with his backpack.

"It must be yours" he gives it to him , "Thank you" he says, "I got locked by accident" he doesn't know why he said that. "Let me walk you to the door" when they are at the gate, he feels his cell phone vibrate, his parents are going to kill him. "Do you have someone to come get you?" he asks, he answers that he lives nearby, he thanks him again, bowing with his head down.

"Don’t let it bother you, you must be doing something right, for them to behave like this, young people are young until one day they are not, you should talk about this with someone" the man says with a sweet smile, he thanks him again and leaves.

It was not as late as the last time, he thought of an excuse all the way home, he couldn’t think of anything when they asked him where he was, he remembered what the man had told him.

"Someone locked me in the Janitor closet, I don't know why and I don't know who it was." Their angry faces disfigured into one of concern and then to a much worse, pity.

"Ohh Kenma" his mother said as she hugged him, he cried, they didn't wake him up to go to class the next day. He didn’t told them about last year or the harassment he has been suffered, he only told them that he had no friends and that he preferred to play alone, he also told them that he left volleyball because he didn’t like it and they just made him work, he try to convince them that it was nothing and he was fine.

That day they went to the mall to buy new video games, they went for an ice cream, when Kenma passed in front of a hairdresser he told them that he wanted to cut his hair, his parents look at each other. "If you want," his dad says, he cut it to his cheeks.

On Monday they go with him to classes, to talk with the principal to thank the guard according to them, when he accompanies them to the office he sees Aiko Nagami with Ozuru Kobashi, leaning on the stairs, he feels their eyes stuck on his back, perhaps they think that he is accusing them, Kenma wants to vomit, he is afraid, today they will get angrier at him. He was one of the first to get out of his classroom, he will run to the station. Should he warm up earlier?

"Kenma", "Kenma" he sees his mother parked in front of the school, he strangely approaches her. "Let's go home" she says. The songs on the radio are silly but catchy.

“From now on I'll pick you up you every day" she says smiling, he opens his mouth like a fool.

"But your work ..." he says.

"It's just a little free time i have, the distance is close, so it’s really no problem," she says as she waves her hand, Kenma doesn't argue with her because to be honest he feels safe in the car, nor does he ask him what they talked with the principal about. "If you want to change schools, that's fine by us," she also says.

The rest of the year flies by, they don't bother him as much anymore, perhaps because they got bored, he still hears that they call him Sadako but not as much as before, he eats his lunch alone but at least he's the one who eats it, he plays with his PSP to pass the time, for him that's fine. His last week, Kenma was returning from the bathroom, he didn't went on the recess because he was afraid that someone would confront him about… well about anything, so he asked the teachers for permission during class, everything was silent. He saw Kuroo Tetsurou sitting against the wall outside his own classroom, his head was down and he was with headphones on maybe listening to music, when Kuroo looks up at Kenma, he quickly lowers his head again.

"Kozume" he says to him, he doesn't know if it's a greeting or if he's calling him, he turns around anyways , Kuroo was standing.

"How are you?" He responds with a shrug, "We lost ... again." Is he going to ask him to join the team again?

"I told you so" he replies, Kuroo laughs nervously.

"Then next year we will not, the team will not lose" Kenma nods, he still hasn’t forgot the words Kuroo said in the bathroom. 

"You cut your hair" is not a question, Kenma grabs a strand of his hair "It looks p-pretty."

He can not say the same, Kuroo's hair is ridiculous, if before there was space for a bird's nest now there’s space for two, Kenma doesn’t know what to answer so he just start walking away and tells him

“See you.”

“See you.” Kuroo answers him almost as a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My baby Kenma :(


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!!

They got an almost a perfect grade for their report, it is the highest grade that Kenma has ever obtained in this class, Kuroo who is sitting next to him takes a photo of it.

"Do you want to keep it?" he asks.

"Why would I keep it?" he says softly, Kuroo touches his chest and makes an offended face. 

"In that case then I'll keep it,","Shhhhh!" the professor says, he lowers his head so fast that he gets dizzy, he hears giggles coming from Kuroo's lips.

"If there is another couples project we should be together," Kuroo says at the end of class.

"I'll think about it" he replies.

"Yeah, we are a great team. Hey we should celebrate!" he exclaims.

"No thanks," the blonde says.

"Come on, my treat” Kenma crosses his gaze with Kuroo who just smiles "We can go for Apple pie."

"Okay" he finally says.

"Who isn’t motivated by food?" Kuroo says laughing.

This is the fifth time that he has met Kuroo outside of class, he doesn't dislike his presence, sometimes his voice is a little bit annoying, his laugh even more, but Hey it's free food. This time they are going to a coffee shop, Kenma excitedly asks for the apple pie, Kuroo watches him intensely as he eats it.

"You didn’t like it" he says defeated, the blond smiles.

"It's not that I don't like it, it’s just that there are better ones" Kuroo sighs.

"Well, we will have to keep looking, there is no other choice."

In a second Kenma is already red, since he gave him his number, Kuroo writes to him almost every day, of nothing really serious, sometimes he tells him that he is bored in class, other times he sends memes and funny videos, he constantly insists him to go out together, last week when he went to class he found Kuroo already at the desk next to Kenma’s, when he took out his PSP he start to give him comments and advices on the game as if he knew, he congratulates him when he wins. Kenma wants to ask him why he suddenly started talking to him, but they never talk about anything serious so he doesn't do it to not to ruin the atmosphere, Kuroo walks him to the door of his room as he has been doing lately.

"Tomorrow there will be a party, Bokuto wants to celebrate that he has not failed anything so far" he says as he runs his hand behind his neck.

"Ehhh, okay, have a good time," he says as he looks for his keys, he hears his nervous laugh.

"Do you want to come? It could be to celebrate our grade, this report was very hard for us, it would be a good way to relax and just to you know have a good time” he is right, the report was a bitch, he doesn't know how he would feel at a party with Kuroo Tetsurou, he could meet his friends, maybe he will indeed have a good time.

“Ehhh i don’t know, parties are no really my thing.”

"And what about that time at the club? You seemed that you were enjoying yourself there.”

Kenma laughs "If by enjoying myself you mean being hidden in a corner and not being able to smell without vomiting, then i really had the time of my life" Kuroo laughs.

"You'll be with me at all time, I will not leave you alone, in the dorms it’s different, it is not that noisy and there are free chips" he studied the situation, if it’s in a dorm then he can sit and play with his PSP, while people have fun around him, he can eat for free and Kuroo just told him that he will not leave him alone, before answering Kuroo says  "Come on, you're going to have fun, I promise." 

Kenma can hear his heart beating against his chest, he opens the door "Do you promise?" Kuroo nods, "Why should I believe you?" he says more hurt than angry, Kuroo widens his eyes, opens his mouth and closes it again. "I have things to do" he says as he closes the door.

✩ ✩ ✩

His senior year, Kenma is brushing his hair, fixing his tie and leaving his house with his PSP in hand, it’s not as bad as the previous years, nobody calls him names anymore, well nobody says anything to him really, he never leaves the classroom, his grades are more than good, he hardly even meets the bullies, in the end he decided to stay in that school because his grades were good after all and the only way he won’t be bullied is if he studies at home, his parents completely rejected that idea, and he was also afraid of being the new student. He was already thinking about college, he had a couple of options all close to Tokyo, he wouldn’t dare to go that far from his parents, with a few hours away he was just fine, when he mentioned that he wanted to study something related to video games he was afraid of his parents reaction, his mother worked as an accountant in a big company and his father was a professor, he teaches at a university, perhaps they expected their son to study something with a more stable work field, but his parents were happy that Kenma was interested at college to begin with.

He called his mother to tell her her that he would leave early today at school, so he would go home alone, when he walked behind his classmates they talked about going for an ice cream due to the heat, it was a really sunny day, they didn’t turn around to ask Kenma if he wanted to go. He chose to walk home rather than take the subway and crashing sweaty bodies with others.

He was thinking that maybe if he left some brochures on his mother's nightstand about the benefit of studying at home, she would accept it, the heat was already affecting him, Kenma hears some laughter coming from behind him, his stomach churns. he moves to the side so that people who are jogging have more space, he buys a bottle of water and sits on a bench, when he is about to open it, he perceives a person near the bushes, when he approaches to see, he distinguishes a red-haired boy lying on the floor breathing agitated.

"Are you okay?" Kenma asks him, the boy opens his eyes and he runs his tongue through his lips when he sees the water bottle, with a movement Kenma passes it to him, he almost takes it all in one gulp.

"Thank you, ohh how hot, I took an extra laps and I got lost, I'm roasting myself here" the little redhead quickly says.

"It's nothing," he says softly.

"What’s your name? My name is Hinata Shouyou, I'm not from around here, I was with my team, we play volleyball” he tries to analyze what he just said.

"Kozume Kenma, I am from around here, I saw some guys jogging ahead, they were dressed like you" when they walk Hinata talks about his volleyball team and how they plan to go to the nationals this year. "You play?" he asks "Years ago I was a setter, but I quit."

"WHAT?! WHY? ”, he was about to answer him when he heard “Hinata you idiot, where were you?” that's Kageyama, Hinata says excitedly, the black haired boy approaches them.

"Give me, I'm getting dehydrated," he says to Hinata as he takes the bottle of water from his hands, "It's actually from Kozume" Hinata says pointing it at him, Kageyama spits the water out suddenly.

"I'm sorry, ohh I'm sorry" bowing his head down, he laughs "No problem, I can buy another if you want" he offers them.

He is helping them to look for the rest of his team while Hinata talks to him nonstop, Kageyama contributes with some short phrases, "Maybe they are already in Nekoma" Kageyama says.

“Nekoma? You are going to play with them?” he asks, the two nods at the same time, he tells them that it's his school and he walks them to the gates "Won't you stay and watch the game?" Hinata tells him, "You idiot, he has done enough for us, he must be busy," said the taller one.

"Ehh yes I'm busy, but good luck! I hope you win” the two smile at him,“Wait Kenma! Let's exchange numbers” he says, giving him his cell phone. He writes down his number on both cell phones. They promise him that they will tell him about how the game went. “See you later” Kageyama says, running towards the gym.

"Goodbye!!!!!" Hinata runs after him, Bye Shouyou Kenma says with a smile on his face.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

He was already finishing his first semester, his grades were more than good, he would spend a few weeks at home and he would go to spend a weekend in Miyagi, he was excited for that.

"Miyagi?" Kuroo asks him when they are leaving the class.

"Yes, but not the following week, maybe the next one" he says as he puts on his scarf, it was already getting cold.

“Mmm”

“What?”

“What what?” he says, Kenma rolls his eyes.

"We could go together" the tall aks.

"To Miyagi?" he says incredulously.

"Hahaha no, home, we could buy the same bus ticket, so we can travel together" he studies his options, Kuroo notices because he is going to say something.

"Okay" he replies, the other smiles at him sincerely.

It's an almost five hours trip, Kuroo talks to him all the way to Tokyo, Kenma occasionally asks something back, most of the time he nods and makes sounds so that he knows that he is paying attention to him while he plays, he tells him about his adventures with Bokuto and Akaashi, it is as if he knows them from so much that he talks about them, well who does not know the star of the volleyball team, actually the three of them are on the team, although Akaashi is always at the bench, that depressed Bokuto, his team is good, he says to Kenma, when he talks about the sport his eyes sparkle. When they say goodbye, Kuroo asks him if they can see each other while they are in the city.

"I’ll see."

His vacation consists of lazing around, eating, playing and sleeping, it’s very cold to go out, he replies to Kuroo when he invites him constantly, they talk almost every day, he even calls him once, he answered at the third missed call. "I don't like talking on the phone" he didn't call him back, but he did double the frequency of his messages. He had a good time when he went to Miyagi so when he returned to the city he brought Shouyou and Tobio to his house for a few days.

-Kuroo: Did they left?

**-Kenma: Yes, they should be arriving to Miyagi in a few hours.**

\- Kuroo: Now you're free : D

**-Kenma: Is that a question?**

\- Kuroo: Noppp a statement, let's go out later

**\- Kenma: I don't want to, I'm playing**

\- Kuroo: It wasn't a question either ;)

Kenma leaves his cell phone aside to concentrate on his game, he felt a little sad without Shouyou and Tobio, they had been almost all week together, they were his friends, his only friends, the sound of Kuroo's message interrupts him. Was Kuroo his friend? perhaps he only spoke to him because he felt alone, and because it is convenient for him to have him as a partner in classes, What did he really know about him? the truth is that almost nothing, they only had superficial conversations with him, What did he know about Kenma? suddenly he gets angry, he owes nothing to him, he wanted nothing to do with him, he looked himself in the mirror, his black roots were more and more noticeable, he still had not decided whether to dye it again or not, his hair reached almost a shoulder-length, his face looked healthy, he didn't have as many dark circles under his eyes anymore.

-Kuroo: DON’T

-IGNORE

-MEEEEEEE

-!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-!!!!!111

-!

**\- Kenma: I don't know if I have time**

\- Kuroo: But you do have time for Kageyama and Hinata? :(

**\- Kenma: Yes, they are my friends.**

He is furious with himself for feeling guilty, Kuroo hasn’t message him back to him, he does not need him he says, he was fine before, Kuroo must have a million friends waiting in line to spend the day with him, he can convince himself that they are only classmates who go out together once in a while, but if he agrees to meet him in his hometown, it would be something else, and Kenma isn't sure if he would like to be something else with Kuroo, after all he's just a ghost from his past, he has to stay there where he belongs.

**\- Kenma: Fine,Where do you wanna go tomorrow?**

He writes him at 3 in the morning, please be asleep, please be asleep, the message comes less than a minute later.

\- Kuroo: LEt’s go to the movies, there’s a movie that I want to see, or not? no we could go to an arcade so we can play, then we can go to eat something :D : D :D

**-Kenma: Yeah, either sounds fun.**

"I can't believe you've never come here before," Kuroo says, he just shrugs.

"I had no one to come here with" he simply says.The place was huge and there were all kind of games, he had only seen it in movies, maybe one day he’ll come back to play here.

"Well, now you can come with me."

They have a good time, Kenma beats him in almost all the games, he leaves high marks recorded in some machines as the best score, except in those of throwing balls, Kuroo cheated he is sure of it, he promises that they will return for a rematch. He has to admit that he is having a good time and maybe if he comes back alone it will not be the same, it starts to get cold while they walk so they go to the nearest cafe.

The snow was falling slowly, Kenma stared at it out the window with his hot chocolate in his hands, he felt Kuroo's gaze on him.

“Did you buy your bus ticket?” he asks Kuroo who puts his hand against his cheek, leaning back at the table and sighed, "We have to go together, to make sure we have seats next to each other, although it must be closed right now, we can go tomorrow, if you want.”

“Mmmmm” he says taking a sip “Okay.”

Kuro sits up straight "We can go with Bokuto and Akaashi, they live in the city too, you will get along with them, especially Akaashi" because of their stories that Kuroo is always telling him about, he already liked him.

“All right”

Kuro's eyes light up and he smiles at him.

"What?" he asks kuro, who gestures at his apple pie plate with his eyebrows .

“How is it?” he runs his tongue over his lips savoring.

“There are better”.

"We will have to keep looking."

✩ ✩ ✩

  
  


Luckily Shouyou was constantly visiting Tokyo, he even went to see them a couple of games, he was sad when they left, his mother told him that he could go stay for a few days, when he did he felt that he had spent the energy of a full year, he felt happy. He was walking with a silly smile down the hall while answering in the chat group, he did not notice where he was walking, he collided with a boy, "I'm sorry" he says picking up his backpack, it was Ozuro, surely he was the one who collided with Kenma, he sees him, shakes off his clothes, makes a disgusted face and warns him not to touch him again before leaving. Kenma sighs with relief, the school year is already ending, he doesn't need any problems now, when he enters the classroom, he hears that they are talking about an end-of-year party, all of the third years will go, "Is Kuroo going?" a girl asks, it was known that Kuroo always went to parties, it was said that he was wild at parties, "I don't think so, he is still depressed because his team lost" he had forgotten, he was so focused with Shouyou's team in the nationals that he didn’t even remembered the Nekoma team, they lost on the first day, but at least they went to nationals, an achievement is an achievement, he wonders if Kuroo Tetsurou hates him for that.

His mom is sad when he says that he will not go to the graduation ceremony, if it were not for his dad, she would have forced him to go. Kenma didn’t want to go, he found it kind of hypocritical to take photos with all his classmates, cry and talk about the years that they spent together, he is happy to leave this stage behind. So today is officially his last of high school, he can't wait to leave, get home and wait for some letters from the colleges he applied to, he was excited for his life in university, studying what he likes, making new friends, maybe he would go to a couple of parties. When the bell rings for lunch, Kenma just takes his things, and he leaves, he can't waste another second in here he wants to be free. 

He was walking with his backpack on his back through these corridors for the last time, he thanks to the one who takes care of him from above for not meeting his bullies. He was going through the yard and sees Kuroo Tetsurou in the team uniform. Why is he training for? He will no longer play, they pass far enough away of each other to not to touch, Kuroo must notice the face that Kenma makes because he raises his eyebrow.

"Did you hear? We won ” Kuroo says.

"You lost on the first day," he replies with a tired tone.

"But we make it to Nationals" he says with his signature smile, he wants to say that that’s useless, they didn’t even won a medal, he doesn’t understand his point.

"Thank you" Kuroo says, Kenma doesn't know what he's talking about, Is he being sarcastic? Kuroo just stares at him, smiles at him this time with a different smile.

“See you” he nods and when he turns around he answers,

“See you.” He doubts that he will ever see Kuroo Tetsurou again.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

It’s not too bad, he says to himself. There is a group of boys and girls, everyone talks to each other, some drink, others sing, some do much more than that judging by the sounds that come from the other room, there are people sitting in the hallways, he can hear from there the laughs of Koutarou, Keiji sits next to him.

"Want something to drink?" He shakes his head and continues to focus on his game.

"How can you concentrate like that?"

"Years of practice," he replies, and Keiji laughs, covering his mouth with his hands.

He's been spending time with Keiji and Koutarou lately, he likes them, he wouldn't mind being called his friend. These months he has started to be less and less shy, he constantly hang out with Kuro and when their schedules allow it, the four of them get together, he even went to a few volleyball games, Kuro has improved a lot and when he plays he has a sparkle in his eyes.

"Well I don't have that quality so I'm going to go to my room, I also have to look after Bokuto" Kenma stands next to him to help him, Koutarou can be a little difficult at times.

"Are you leaving already?" Kuro asks when he sees the trio "AND WITHOUT ME?" add.

Keiji tells him that Koutarou has to rest, so they continue on their own way. He almost forgot to say goodbye to Kuro when he is walking him to his room, therefore, he enters.

"Ehh, do you want anything?"

"Nahhh I'm fine" Kuro answers as he sits at the foot of the bed, he sits next to him while playing, Kuro accommodates his head on his shoulder.

"I didn't see you drink much," says the blond.

"I didn't feel like it and I don't drink that much" he rolls his eyes, Kuro lets out a laugh.

"Why did you run away from me?", he feels Kuro's breath on his neck.

"I didn’t run away."

"Yes, you did."

"No i didn't."

"Yes you did."

"Not…”

"Yes."

“I didn’t”

“Yes, you did”

Everytime when they went out Kuro never left him alone, especially if they were at parties, they had been sitting for about an hour when Kuro got up of his side, he didn’t come back all night, maybe he got bored with me, he said, Who comes to a party to play video games all night? maybe he's with a girl.

"I was not feeling well and I went outside to get fresh air, to reflect a little on my poor life choices," he says with a sigh.

"And that’s why I don't drink"

He can feel Kuro's smile, they stay like that for a while, for a moment he believed that Kuro had fallen asleep so he turned his head, he was staring him. "Hi" he says softly, Kenma gulps, "Hi" he replies, Kuro kisses him.

He had seen this in movies, even read about it, he had a photo when he was young and he was with the daughter of his parents friends, she was kissing him on the mouth he does not remember that moment and refuses to even think that it was his first kiss, because his first kiss is right here in his messy room at 18, with the background music of his game, it tasted like alcohol and mint and he was definitely melting against Kuro Tetsurou's lips, he doesn't know what to do, so he copies Kuro's movements. He has one of his hands against Kenma's cheek and with the other he is stroking his hair. Kenma clings to one of Kuro's sleeves and with the other hand he lets go of his game so as not to look like a fool, he doesn't know why he did it now he doesn't know where to put his hand.

Would it be too much if he puts it on his thigh? he feels how Kuro's tongue caresses his lips, Kenma opens his mouth and Kuro savors it whole, to hell with his hand which he puts on Kuro's thigh, he tries to copy Kuro's movements his tongue meets with Kuro's and Kenma moan, he turns red immediately, they separate leaving a thread of saliva Kuro touches both of his cheeks and looks intensely into his eyes, Kenma is the one who closes the gap by joining their mouths together, his tongue is welcome into Kuro's mouth and he runs it throughout his interior, he feels Kuro's hands going down from his back to his hips and with a movement he brings him closer to him, his mouth separated from Kenma's to go down his neck, Kenma runs his hands through Kuro's hair and brings him closer to him, he hears him moan softly, that sound will remain in his memory forever he says. Kuro kisses Kenma's lips sloppy and more slowly this time he press his forehead to Kenma’s and then he hears him sob.

“Kuro” he says, but he starts crying even harder, maybe he was more drunk than he thought, he made a mistake and that's why he is crying, maybe he had a girlfriend, How would I know? Kuro never tells him anything, now he will hate Kenma for taking advantage of him, or maybe he was a bad kisser, but it’s only his first kiss he can improve.

"Kuro" he whispers again, Why the fuck does he care if Kuro gets mad at him? Shouldn't he hate him? "Kuro" he says again with a lump in his throat.

"Someone asked how i met you," he begins to say "I told him we just share a class" inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

"I don't know why I lied, I sat next to you thinking about why I had lied, we have known each other for a long time, but we never talked about it, it's like it never happened, like it was almost a dream" Kenma remembers that he was angry, he turns away from Kuroo and grabs his knees "A nightmare" he says.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!

Tetsurou was new in the city, his father had been transferred to Tokyo. His mother was cleaning the new house, he was eager to get his toys out of the boxes, they had been in those boxes for a long time, his patio was not as big as his previous home, his bathroom leaked and his closet was scary, he was no longer liking this change. The worst of all? the truck had lost his volleyball, they were having dinner when Tetsurou reminded them that they had to look for his lost ball maybe it fell on the road, he felt a bang against the table and saw his mom jump.

"Enough with that stupid ball," his father says angrily.

"This way you’ll learn to play a men's sport. Are you a girl?" He hits the table again with his fist, "ARE YOU?" his mother is looking at her plate.

"No sir."

His basketball is too heavy to use it to play volleyball, his dad bought him one saying that this was a real sport, and with his height he could become a good player, that's why they enroll him in a summer basketball club, he hates it, he's not even the tallest there.

He makes friends quickly, he likes to spend time on their houses so he doesn't have to get to his own house, his father works late and his mother stays at home, but she doesn't like to play with him. He was going out to play with one of his neighbors, but he regrets when he smells the aroma that comes from the kitchen, his mother was cooking while laughing with his father, he knew it was a good day, so he prefers to take advantage of the opportunity, that afternoon they go out to take a walk, they go to the park and then to buy his new uniform for school, he sees a volleyball at one of the stores, but he doesn’t dare to ask for it, his parents are happy and so is he.

When he is awake looking at the ceiling he ask himself what happened, after arriving home they had dinner and watched a movie together, Tetsurou fell asleep on the couch and his father sent him to bed with a smile, his mom kissed his forehead, so he is surprised when he hears the screams, he doesn’t understand why they fight, it must be adult’s stuff, his father tells her something about working and money, his mother says that she will go to work and something about that she wants free time, he turns in his bed, the screams increase, normally the screaming stopped when his father left slamming the door, but then they continued the next day during the afternoon, he puts his pillows between his ears to calm the noise a bit as he usually does, in the end it works because he falls asleep.

When he gets home after his first day of school, he can't wait to tell their parents how many friends he made, the house is empty since his mother started working, his father is late as always, so he sits on the floor near the door waiting for them to arrive. His father scolds him for sleeping on the floor, and his mother says that her head hurts, that he has to warm the frozen dinner in the fridge, his father leaves and his mother falls asleep, nobody asks him about his first day and there was no frozen dinner in the fridge.

"Maybe I'll join the wrestling team, or the football team, oh and there's a swimming team," he says to his father while watching a game on TV.

"Aren’t that too many? When you join a team you have to stay until the end son, choose the one you like the most” his father says. He does it, he enters the volleyball team, it’s the most he likes and he enters the basketball team too, he doesn’t want to play to be smart with his father so he doesn’t tell him. He continues to play basketball with his neighbors, he would prefer volleyball, but no one of them bothers to learn it.

When he came home after saying goodbye to his friends, he can feel the tension, his mother is cooking while crying, his dad smells like beers.

"What are you looking at?!" his father asked angrily, Tetsurou approaches his mother to help her cut the vegetables.

"Look at the clock, it’s late, you think this is time to get home?" he always came back at this hour, he told himself as he keep cutting.

"I'm talking to you" his mom trembles next to him, still she looks at him and tells him to go play in his room.

"Don't ignore me boy" he runs to his room, his father yells at his mother and hears the chair fall, a plate falls to the floor, maybe two, I'm a coward, he says to himself while crying.

The coach praises him on how he plays, his team is good, he is the best and they will win all the medals and prizes, he gets along well with the elders, they never ask him to go and clean up, he only goes to practice three times a week to continue with basketball, he no longer meets his neighbors so he can study, he wants to have good grades for his parents to congratulate him, his favorite subject is chemistry, his classmates are funny, the girls offer him their lunch, he rejects them, sometimes his mother forgets to do it but he doesn’t want to accept them, something in return they must want. He likes to sit in front of the class because that way he understands the topics better, although sometimes his friends distract him so he can play with them during class, his teacher catches him, so she send him to the principal office.

His coach tells him that he is one of the best players on the team, Tetsurou smiles for the rest of the day, until he gets home. He decides to quit basketball to go to all volleyball practices, he even stays after they finish to continue improving. They have a good libero, he's a funny boy, he likes him, he always stay to clean after practice. Should I help? They go in the same year but he was never told that he had to clean or help the elderly with whatever they ask for, he was also tired, he gives his 100% in practice, there is a boy who is always playing with a little game and he has seen that he never jogs all his laps maybe that's why he has to clean and tidy up at the end of practice all the time.

Today is a good day, he practices most of the day with the setter, the coach praised both of them, Tetsurou prefers him than the older one, he doesn’t play as good and he is mean with others, once he saw how he scolded the little setter, his teammate a year older told him that he deserved it, no one deserves to be yelled at for no reason, he thought, remembering how his father yelled at his mom. When he gets out of practice he sees his parents in the parking lot, he gulps as he walks to the car. They don't talk during the car, he is afraid to ask, maybe they were invited to watch him play, when he enters the house he is shaken and pushed by his father, his mother starts crying, Tetsurou tries to get away from his father's hands-

"DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA THE SHAME YOU MADE US GO THROUGH?" I thought I had played well "I DIDN'T RAISE YOU TO BEHAVE LIKE THIS" he pushes him to the floor, "THIS IS THE THIRD TIME IN THE MONTH THE TEACHER TAKES YOU OUT OF CLASSES, USELESS! CAN'T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT? ” He doesn’t know if he still speaking to him, usually all those words are said to his mother, he pulls his tears with his hand "Let it be the last THE LAST call that i will get from your damn school" he looks up and his mother tells him to leave to his room, he had never run so fast.

The coach asks him if he wants tickets for the game, he offers him two, he answers with a soft no “Are you sure? If you want I can call your parents to convince them " Tetsurou makes a panicked face "No, it is not necessary, they work they cannot come, do not call them please," He never talks to his parents about his games, or his practices, or his day at school, as soon as he gets to his house he goes to his room and starts studying because he has nothing better to do, he is grateful to have his friends from volleyball, he has a good time with them.

He looks himself in the mirror and tries to tame his hair, he gives up after 15 minutes, it’s impossible, he has dark circles under his eyes for the lack of sleeping and he has bruises on the shoulders of the day that he dropped a vase by accident. It was his first day of school, he couldn't wait to play volleyball, there on the court he forgot about his problems, when he arrives he greets almost everyone, he smiles at everyone, he missed school. He had been training for a week when he notices that the setter is gone, he asks Shibayama about him and tells him that he quit the team, they barely spoke, and when Tetsurou tried to make conversation the other never answered him, still is a shame he was a good player.

He was at recess when a girl from another class approached him asking him to go to the patio, she gave him a letter, he read it all, it had some little drawings and it was perfumed, her handwriting was pretty and more organized than his. He didn’t know what to answer, the girl was pretty, she had long brown hair, her eyes of the same color observed him shyly, they had exchanged a few words before, she was funny and she was doing well in classes but she didn’t call his attention, in fact he was not attracted to girls like his other classmates were, the girl approaches him, Tetsurou gives his first kiss at age of fourteen, it is short like two seconds but it's still a kiss, he tells all his friends about it, he says he was incredible and definitely wanted more, he doesn't know why he was lying at the time, he just thought it was the most acceptable thing to say.

He was coming home late that day after a hard and long practice.

"Where were you?" his father asks, he can smell the alcohol from the door.

"At practice" he answers as he goes to his room, he reaches to read a note in front of the refrigerator with his mother's handwriting saying that she is with a friend, that he has to make dinner, it was not the first time he did it, he has already learned to cook a variety of dishes and he liked it a lot, but he was worry about his mother, he knew his father would scold her for this later.

"How was basketball practice?" Tetsurou looks at him incredulously.

"Huh?" Hadn't he told him that he was no longer playing?

"I was in volleyball practice," he says, taking out his backpack to start preparing dinner.

"Volleyball?" he laughs "How do you have time for both?"

"Ehhh I haven't played basketball in like two years, I quit" he says simply as he takes out a pot, he doesn't hear his father getting up from the chair until he's pushing him against the pantry.

"You quit? For what? TO PLAY LIKE THE GIRLS?” Tetsurou stands firm, his father was much taller and more corpulent due to his years in the army, he feels his tears go down his cheeks, he got angry when he saw him cry.

“DID I RAISE YOU TO BE A DAMN QUITTER? WHEN YOU START SOMETHING YOU FINISH IT! ” he feels his father's spit in his face "Stop crying,why are you crying? Are you afraid i’m gonna hit you? Do you think I’ll hit you? Huh? Answer me when I speak to you” he says as he hits him.

"Stop crying FAG " Tetsurou falls to the ground and his father kicks him.

"Is that all you know what to do? Cry? you are just like your mother, maybe you are not even mine” he presses his stomach so it doesn't hurt as much. "Piece of shit .... a quitter, the worst shit there is, a coward that's what you are" when he goes to sit on the couch, Tetsurou feels blood in his mouth, he doesn't want to stop stand but he does it to go to his room.

"MAKE DINNER" his father yells at him, he turns back and begins to cook while his hands tremble and tears fall, he doesn't understand why his father is so angry, the memory of his former setter comes to him, What did his parents tell him when he left the team? He thinks to ask him tomorrow, but when he is in front of him with a ribs pain and a swollen lip, he is afraid that he will realize what happened to him, so he returns to his classroom.

His father doesn’t hit him like that again, he drank a lot that is what happened and that is why Tetsurou got two broken ribs, he still scolds him constantly and sometimes pushes him, when he received the acceptance letter of Nekoma he told his mother, he was excited, it was not easy to enter, the exam was very complex, but it was worth the days and nights of study, he had seen a volleyball game of Nekoma when he was younger, and later he saw on TV when they won the nationals, it was his dream to play there.

"How will we afford it?" is the only thing his mother tells him.

His new school is amazing, it is huge and it has several clubs to join, he already gets along with his classmates, but he has to admit that he doesn’t like them very much, among them he recognizes Kozume? Tetsurou was horrible with names, he saw him the first day, but he didn’t show signs of recognized him, so he ignored it. His volleyball team was not that good, but he was going to make it great, Yaku and Kai were new just like him, and they were much better than the third years, he tried to talk to the third-years to get their favor, they were nice, especially the Captain Kano Hayashi, he was a little bit taller than Tetsurou, had light brown hair and green eyes, his muscles were well defined from what he could see, sometimes he found himself looking at him frequently, they quickly became friends, he wanted to please him. When he mentioned that there was no other setter Tetsurou promised him that he would find one for him, he smiled at him and said he would thank him with an ice cream after school if he did.

He knew exactly who to look for, he tried to convince Kozume, but he could tell that he didn’t want to play, he promised him that they would have a good time and dragged him to the gym, when he saw Kano Hayashi he smiled at him and pointed at Kenma.

"Oh oh oh someone owes me an ice cream" he says.

“That one? are you shitting me?” He didn’t understand why he wanted to please him so much, when the coach congratulates Kozume, Tetsurou looks expectantly at his captain.

"A promise is a promise." Kano says.

Since his mother was promoted, Tetsurou has been in charge of making dinner, his father now arrives early from work and he likes that dinner is hot when he arrives, school is more than one hour away by taking the train, so he has to ask the coach for permission to leave 20 minutes early. His father no longer mistreats him as before, perhaps because he finally got taller than him, they barely speak, but he doesn't care, it's better for him. When the two are having dinner, his cell phone vibrates, it is Kano with a meme, Tetsurou responds with another.

"Who is it?" his captain he answers to his father.

"Isn't it about time that you look for a girlfriend?"

It makes him uncomfortable, why did he ask him just after talking about Kano? Does he know? He realized a few months ago that what he felt for the boy was something romantic, something that he has not felt for any girl and doubts that he ever will, it’s not that he is going to try something with him, he just likes to imagine that maybe they could be together.

"I’m sorry, this isn’t working out" his girlfriend of two weeks says.

"Okay" he replies, he is relieved, he only accepted her confession and told her yes to being his boyfriend because he wanted to try it out, he liked her kisses, she did things that he liked with her tongue, she touched his abdomen and grabbed his hands to make him squeeze her boobs, it was uncomfortable, but he still did it, I think it wasn’t enough.

"She said i was too focused on volleyball"

"Typical, I've been there friend," Kano replies as they changed, the drops of his wet hair are running down his body, he saw them slide down to his abs.

“Aww don't make that face, don't feel bad, let's go to my house, let's have a few beers and I'll invite some girls" he wakes up from his trance when he says girls.

“Ehhh I don’t know, I should help cleaning today, it’s still early.”

"Don't worry, the ball boy will do it." Kano grimaces in disgust.

"I think he is doing a lot already, this way I’ll lightened the work" Kano raises an eyebrow "I was the one who invited him after all, we could include him more in the matches, he's a good player" it sounds more like a question.

"HAHAHAHA he’s good for nothing, he's a loser. Have you heard the rumors?" he shakes his head.

"That he is a fucking fagot" Tetsurou swallows.

“Haven't you seen how he looks at us while we change? It makes me sick when he looks at me, I don't want you to be seen with him,” he doesn't know what to say to that, defend him? What will Kano do when he realizes that he likes him?

"Okay" he replies.

His favorite part of the day is when he is playing, they still haven’t won anything serious, but that’s not the most important thing, he gets along with his team, sometimes the third years make stupid pranks, but he always ends up laughing with them, sometimes they got out of control when they do it to others, but it never tells them anything. Kenma almost never plays in the court, the coach does not let him, he feels sorry for him, when Kano orders him to do anything, he convinces him that it is not necessary, sometimes it works. The rumors about that he likes men are getting stronger, when he hears about the topic he ignores it completely, he is afraid that if he says anything they would discover his own secret.

He always sees Kenma alone, with his shiny hair covering his eyes while playing on his console, his teammates are idiots. “Come on, do it for me. Am I your friend or not? if you continue to harass him like this he will not play again and we will not have a setter next year" he says to Kano when they were walking after eating at the market "Promise me you will not do any more pranks or treat him like a slave" the other laughs "Ok, Why do you defend him so much? If I didn't know you I would say you want to fuck him” he blushes “I brought him to the team, I feel responsible.”

The fights between his parents increased more and more, sometimes his father leaves and doesn't return in days, when he tried to hit his mother now he intervened leaving him with a black eye in the process, sometimes he didn’t feel like going to class and that his classmates saw him like this "She had a boyfriend, how would I know that?" He answered when they asked what happened to him, he felt guilty for missing practice, but he didn’t want them to see his bruises. His father kept bothering him for being a fagot. How did he know? He tried not to be like that, it's not like he wanted to, he hated himself.

When he returned from the Winter break, he was transferred to the advanced class, it will be more difficult but this way, but he can have a good scholarship at college. Kano Hayashi is going to study at another city, this makes him sad perhaps he should confess before he leaves, since they lost the game, Kano has been very sad, he would be too if he can not play volleyball anymore, the year is ending, the other will be better, he says to himself.

He was changing in the lockers when he sees Kenma, he looks tired, he promises him that he will clean the gym tomorrow, he looks him in the eye and he is almost paralyzed when his intense golden eyes meet his hazel eyes, he smiles thinking that next year they could win with him as a setter, he sees that his hair is shorter and he praises him sincerely, the shorter one blushes and tries to hide it but he still notices it, he looks adorable, he tries to quickly remove that thought from his head, he wants to say something to him to make him feel safe, so he tells him that the other year it will be better, that he will play more, he sees Kano enter behind Kenma, he dresses quickly, he almost forgets that he would go with him to a party, when he looks up Kenma was gone.

Tetsurou comes home that night at 2 in the morning and he was a little bit drunk, he enters through his window and falls asleep feeling victorious, the feeling does not last long when in the morning his father is yelling at him, his mother cries and Tetsurou lowers his head.

"WHO WERE YOU WITH?"

"I told you it was a party, many people were there" he says irritated.

"DON'T TALK TO ME WITH THAT TONE" he laughs and his father rushes against him his mother yells for them to stop, Tetsurou is stronger he knows it, even so his father has him face down on the ground clutching his arms behind his back, he feels his weight on top, he says something to him but doesn't understand it, he only hears his mother scream, he manages to take out his hand to hit him but his father begins to twist it, he almost doesn't recognize his own scream, he tries to free himself, his father asks him something but he doesn't responds, he’s still bending his wrist, Tetsurou is screaming in pain.

He is in the hospital waiting room with his mother, Tetsurou is not crying because of the pain, but because he knows that his wrist is fractured, he will no longer be able to play, he will not play, he will not play.

It’s only a sprain, says the doctor, his mother tells him that he fell off the bicycle, on the way home she doesn’t speak to him. At the end of the summer, his wrist doesn't hurt anymore, he does not speak to his father, and he barely speaks words to his mother, he didn’t even went to Kano's farewell party, it would be better if he did not see him, he does not want to suffer more. Everything is normal in his second year, good players join the team. Maybe everything will finally get better, he says incredulously.

When he is making breakfast before going to school he notices a letter from his mother with an envelope, he runs to her bedroom, her clothes are not there, I cannot take it anymore, I will go with your grandparents, when I have enough money I will bring you with me, you can call me, I will send you money, I love you. Does his father know? He locks himself in that little closet in his room to cry. How was she able to abandon her own son with a monster? How dare she to quit! Doesn’t she know that when you star something you have to finished it? she has to be with him until the end ... he is a coward he says, coward, coward, coward.

He knows it's not fair to take it out on Kenma, but he needs him, his team needs him. How can he be so selfish? Why does everyone abandon him?! Why does nobody give him a chance? Why does everyone give up on him? He's a coward, a coward, a coward, a coward, a coward, he kept repeating to himself as he cried in his closet, but he wasn’t talking about his father or his mother ... or Kenma.

He isn’t that surprised when they lose, the setter needs more experience, he is jealous when he receives the message from Bokuto saying that they are going to Nationals, but he only writes him back compliments and his congratulations, they deserve it. He knows Bokuto and Akaashi from his first year, they got along well as soon as they spoke, well more Bo, Akaashi was more difficult, but now he feels happy and proud to call them his friends in fact, they are his only friends, he no longer talks to Kano, Yaku and Kai are nothing but teammates. When he sees Kenma on the hallways, his face falls with shame, they haven’t spoken since that day, it’s not that they spoke before, but he feels guilty nonetheless, he doesn’t know how to approach him, he has never really understood the boy. When he is bored he goes to visit his old classroom, his current classmates are very serious, and they never laugh at his jokes.

“You came to visit me again Tetsurou?” Aiko Nagami asks him, he hates when she calls him by his name, when he told her not to, she insisted even more, he is not stupid, he knows when someone flirts with him, he is just not interested... in women.

"Can't I come to visit my favorite former classmates?" He says with a smirk, there are few people in the room. They're all gathered together sitting at the tables, he's not really paying attention until he hears Kenma's name.

"Yes, that damn fagot irritates me, the worst is that he doesn't even care", "Who does he think he is? Does he think he is superior than us? as if he was some kind of king,” “A queen,” another adds, “Just because he has money, I hate those spoiled brats,” “That fucking Sadako, we should put him in his place” Aiko says.

“Sadako?” he asks, Why did they talk about Kenma like that? What had he ever done to them? He was just a nice, shy, smart boy.

"Yeah, your stalker," Aiko answers.

“Why do you say that?”

"Kano told me how he watched them in the showers and all that."

"What? No, that never happened, it's just a stupid rumor, he never did that” he says annoyed.

"Don't defend that princess" Ozuru Kobashi says.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Is that the only thing that you do? Sit here and talk shit about people? Aren't you bored? " He says angrily.

"Calm down man,"

"Okay Tetsurou we will not do anything to your precious Sadako" Aiko says, he’s so mad that his cheeks feel hot.

“You better not do anything against him,” he says dryly, "You already know how the school's handles bullies with their zero-tolerance policy, if they need any witnesses I will happily go," he adds.

“Bu-But What the fuck Tetsurou?” Aiko says indignantly,  Ozuru stands in front of him, getting so close that he feels his chest hitting him.

“Oh oh oh Are you trying to intimidate me?” he approaches Tetsurou, almost bumping noses, he knows that the other is big, but Tetsurou is confident that he can win the fight.

"All right, calm down, don’t fight" one of them says, “Say what you want Tetsurou, you don't have a fucking proof, do you?”Aiko says disinterested.

"You are telling me that if I go to the principal's office right now, they won’t believe in the student who has more than perfect grades, that doesn’t get in trouble and is vice captain of the volleyball team? Who do you think they will believe me or a bunch of shitty losers? I imagine that such an accusation wouldn’t be good to you judging by your student records.” he says, threatening them.

"We weren’t really going to do anything to him, we were just joking" says one of them, he sees that they are all silent.

"I hope so, or you’ll see" before leaving he says "Do not call me by my name ever again" staring hatefully at Aiko Nagami.

He doesn't know why he did that, his heart is beating so fast thats he thinks it will come out of his chest, if they fought, there’s no way that he would win against all of them. What if they get even angrier at Kenma? He will have to keep an eye on him. And he does, he notices that he skips a couple of days at school and when he sees him again he has shorter hair, but what catches his attention the most are his big golden eyes that could see through them even in the dark. He wanted to ask him if he was okay, apologize to him, touch his hair to see if it was as smooth as it looked, he never does it, he's a coward.

The money his mother sends, he saves it for college, he misses her, if he doesn't call her she doesn't bother to do it, that makes him angry. Does he resembles his father that much to make her hate him? His father is hardly ever at home, he doesn't hit him anymore, he doesn't dare, Tetsurou is stronger now and bigger. He spends the Summer before his senior year working, and if he is not at work he goes out with Bokuto and sometimes Akaashi. His third year flies by, he is worried between his grades, volleyball and college, he doesn’t have time for anything else.

Sometimes he sees Kenma when he enters his classroom, he doesn’t approaches him to say him, but he always gives him a big smile, when he hears Ozuru Kobashi insulting Kenma in the hallway, he follows him to the bathroom and threatens him, he could accuse him to a teacher, but he doesn’t want to involve Kenma even more "What the hell did I tell you about harassing Kozume?!" He comes out of the bathroom with a black eye.

"Was this the student who hit you?" the principal asks him.

"Yes, he followed me to the bathroom and punch me there, I didn’t want to answer him in the same way with my fists” How much would it affect you if you were expelled in the middle of the last year? He felt bad for Ozuru, so he spoke in his favor, in the end he was only suspended for 10 days.

"I’m sure it won’t happen again" he says at Ozuru's, squeezing his hand as a sign of peace in front of the director, much harder than normal.

Tetsurou received three acceptances letters for college, he still doesn’t know which one to accept, he calls Bokuto first to tell him the news, then he tells Akaashi who already knew because at the second he hung up with Bokuto he immediately called Akaashi. He looks at the ceiling of his room, his smile fades from his face, he has no one else to tell about it, he starts crying, how pathetic he says to himself, he should be happy but he feels a tightness in his chest, he doesn't know why but he thinks about Kenma.

Tears of joy falls down his face when his team says goodbye to him, "Next year you will go to Nationals again and you will win" he says, he led his team to nationals as captain. He can't ask for more, he continues practicing with them, he will definitely join the volleyball team next year at college. He has already decided where to go, they have a great science department, "Biochemistry" he tells his mother on the phone, she tells him that she is proud of him.

He already decided, on graduation day, he would talk to Kenma, he will invite him to eat something, he will apologize, especially for that day in the bathroom, he made a little research on topics to talk about with him, he learned hundreds of names and plots of differents kinds of video games, maybe they can go to an arcade. He left the gym to take a little bit of fresh air when he sees Kenma walking away from the school, "Tell him something idiot" he says to himself.

“Did you hear? We won” Kuroo says almost shooting.

"You lost on the first day" he says exasperated.

“But we make it to Nationals" He smiles at him, and Kenma just frowns and wrinkles his nose as if he's analyzing something with the highest concentration in the world, he doesn't seems as he hated him, maybe I should invite him now.

"Thank you." For not hating me, Kenma wrinkles his nose even more, and Tetsurou smile widens even more, “Cute” he thinks, Tomorrow, tomorrow he will have the courage and will tell him what’s stuck in his chest, he is still a coward after all.

“See you” tomorrow, Kenma nods at him and turns around and as he goes he says,

“See you.”

He doesn’t see Kenma the next day, he asks his classmates to see if anyone has his number, no one has it and some of them doesn't even know who is he talking about, he tries to find him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. "Nothing aghhh I'm a fucking coward" he says irritated when he throws himself in his bed with his graduation clothes still on, he starts crying because his mother hasn't called him yet, because he received a badge of honor for his grades and for being captain of the volleyball team, and nobody was there to see him, because he is a coward, because he’s alone, Bo pull him out of his thoughts when he calls him, the call lasts around two hours, Tetsurou tells Bokuto everything, well almost everything.

“So...mmm ehh you are gay?” Tetsurou laughs for five minutes straight.

“Yeah, Bo I think so”

“Mmmm cool, that’s okay, you are okay” he says calmly.

“Yes I am, I’m okay” he answers.

“HAHAHA what a relief, that’s cool, me too” 

“What?”

“Yeahh, well Akaashi and I didn’t want- hey, no wait ...stop, ahhh...give it to me, What? AKAAAAASHIIII!”

“WHAT?! YOU AND AKAASHI?”

Tetsurou's new room was smaller than he thought, but it didn’t matter, next year he would go live in an apartment with Bokuto and Akaashi, that was what they agreed at the moment of seeing his small rooms, Bokuto accepted a sports scholarship and Akaashi is studying literature, Tetsurou has an scholarship too, but and academic one, so he has to keep with his good grades still he joins the volleyball team.

It was his first class, he was nervous, he woke up two hours earlier to spend an extra hour trying to tame his hair when he saw himself in the mirror, he saw his failure, well at least he has style, he got to class 10 minutes before this one start, there was only one person seated, he raised his hand to greet him, but the one at the back never looks up from his cell phone, he can only see that he is blond, he sits at the front and when more people enters he talks to them, they tell him a joke and Tetsurou explodes with laughter, he feels someone’s watching him, when he turns around he sees those big golden eyes, Kenma.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!! :)

He woke up with a slight headache, he opens his eyes and recognizes that it’s not his room, Kenma is playing with his PSP lying on his couch, the memories of last night come to his mind.

"How the hell were you able to fit a couch into this tiny box?" he asks trying not to sound too uncomfortable.

"Years of playing Tetris" Kenma replies, he smiles and then sighs, Why can't he be a man and just talk to him?

“Ehh I’m-”

“When you get up, go to your room, I would appreciate being able to sleep in my own bed” Kenma interrupts him while he listens his games background music.

He stands abruptly. "Sorry I didn't mean to, here, just go to bed."

"I will when you leave, or you are planning on watching me sleep?"

“Oohh yeah, no, sorry,” he puts on his shoes and grabs his jacket.

“Ehh Ca- can we talk?” he was at the door.

“Now i’m going to sleep”

"Later then, can we talk later?" Kenma tells him that he will think about it.

FUCK FUCK FUCK he says when he get to his room as he hits his pillow without mercy. Why did he say that to him? Why did he open his fucking mouth? He is crying and he gets angrier for being a damn crybaby. Why didn't he say anything to him from the moment he saw him? Every time he went to class he thought of Kenma sitting just a few rows behind him. Has he forgotten about me? Talk to him idiot, when he get to class he would always say "Good morning" to him but he was always with headphones on and never answer him, he was afraid to talk to him, each class he told himself that this was the day he would speak to him and that’s how the months passed. What a coward Tetsurou says again.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

  
  


"For God's sake, stop staring at the poor boy," Akaashi told him.

"I'm not staring at him."

"You're watching him eat" Bo says.

"I just want to have some idea about his favorite food before I invite him, God ... he'll get diabetes with that."

Sometimes he would see him in the cafeteria sitting alone playing with his game, he always dressed the same, with tight jeans but a loose hooded sweatshirt, his now blond hair reached almost to his shoulders, the root were a little noticeable, he got good grades in his class, he never spoke in these, whenever he arrived he was already there, one day he arrived 20 minutes earlier and he was already sitting there, he left the room to “make a call” to escape the uncomfortable silence, the next class he arrived 40 minutes earlier Kenma didn’t went to class that day.

Akaashi promises to make them dinner if they’ll go to buy the ingredients, he gives them a list and money, Bokuto clings to it all the way to the market, when they were standing in line, the cashier speaks to the person in front, who does not seem to listen, Bo good as always helps him and passes him some chocolates bar that was left behind. Out of the corner of his eye he can see those golden eyes.

SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

Did he call him girl? Tetsurou hits him so hard that even his elbows hurts, "Ouch, hey-" Tetsurou silences him and points to Kenma, he sees Bokuto's panicked face, he apologizes and calls him "Konzume" subtle... as if he didn’t spoke with him about Kenma all day, the clearly nervous blonde doesn't answer him, Tetsurou just looks at the floor so that it opens and swallows him, when he leaves the store, he feels that he can breathe again, "You're not you when you're hungry" the cashier with glasses says, Kuroo nervously laughs.

The second time he sees him again out off campus is at a party, he opens his mouth like an idiot when he sees that he is holding hands with the former setter of Karasuno, What are they doing together? Was he not with Hinata? Was it him the one who taught him to be a setter? It could be a misunderstanding, relax Tetsurou.

"Yes, we are tired, we will probably gonna take a bath and then we will go straight to bed, tomorrow we can play Mario party, come on" 

WHAT THE FUCK?! AND BOKUTO ENCOURAGES IT! That’s it, this is how his friendship ends, it was nice while it lasted, he will have to share the custody of Akaashi. He tries to make Hinata stay, he doesn't like the terrifying tone of Kageyama at all, when they leave he can still see how he holds Kenma's small hand.

"But what the fuck Bokuto? Why wo-would you betray me like this? He just laughs.

“Relax, relax, they are not together, in fact, I’m sure that Kageyama is with Hinata, a 100% sure, I promise.” Bokuto says with too much pride.

“B-b-but did you see how the were holding hands… ¿DIDN’T YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID?” he says angrily. 

“Calm down Kuroo, Kuroo, my best friend Kuroo. Don’t you trust me?” He sighs and suddenly an idea comes to mind.

“What if…” he gulps “What if they were going to have a threesome and that’s why the were waiting for Hinata? Bokuto looks at him puzzled.

He arrived 36 minutes early to class to talk with Kenma which it worked and fate rewarded him in the form of a very difficult report. It’s not easy to talk with Kenma, it is difficult for him to open up, but he is patient, they go out to eat several times, they don’t talk about important things, nor about the time at school, nor their old volleyball club as if those years had never happened, he is meticulous not to mention anything about his family history. Kenma is funny, perhaps one of the funniest people he has ever spoken to, he has a pretty sarcastic humor, he likes to play on his console, and Kuroo likes to watch him. Not a day goes by without him writing him. Kenma always answers him, even if he responds hours later, but at the end, he always writes back it makes his heart beat harder every time he receives a message from him.

He doesn’t know how he did not realize it before, but he has completely fallen for the boy, he thinks of his long and silky hair, on how he blinks slowly on purpose, showing off his long eyelashes, his big golden eyes that sees through his soul, it haunts him in his more serene dreams, when he dies, it will be written on his gravestone that was by Kenma's eyes.

Once he went with him to buy a game, they stay in line for two hours.

"Sorry, I did not know there would be so many people" he says looking at the floor.

"Heyyy but we are having a good time",

He didn’t understand why everyone came to buy a video game in the same day the game came out, but if it was because of Kenma then he would be in that line for hours and he would fight with whoever gets in the way so he can get the game first to see the blonde happy. He could see that in front of them there was an old lady with her grandchildren probably, he makes his more serious face, if he has to fight he will start with the weak ones he told himself. In the end, Kenma already had the game reserved, he only had to stand in line to pay and then they gave it to him, all the videos he saw from Black Friday were in vain.

"I can't believe you're really disappointed because there was no chaos," Kenma tells him amused.

"I just expected more action, I brought the helmets for nothing"

"Action? They are gamers, probably in the second they have saw your face they would have gave you the game”

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That on the outside you look like a criminal, but in reality you have a granny’s heart" Tetsurou laughs out loud.

"You know not long ago I was thinking of pushing the old woman in front of us just to take her place" Kenma looks at him and smiles "Sure, if you say so"

"It's true, it's your fault! You are corrupting me ”

Kenma just rolls his eyes, after buying the game they were supposed to go somewhere to eat and walk around downtown, but Kenma looked anxious.

"If you want we can go, buy something to eat and take it to your room" his eyes light up as he answers yes. He had already been playing for an hour when Kenma asked him if he wanted to play, he wondered how his fingers were not cramping, Tetsurou had his head resting on Kenma's shoulder, when he starts playing he does his best to not losing after two minutes, Kenma looks at him focused and gives him advices, he didn’t expect him to be so patient with him.

“Come here” he says and Kenma rests his head on his shoulder, he smells delicious, he buries his nose in Kenma's hair inhaling his scent, he could get used to this, he thinks, today was a fun day. Did Kenma have enjoyed his company as much as he?

"My turn" he says when he loses after three minutes, his new record.

  
  
  


He can hardly concentrate on volleyball anymore, not that he played enough to consider that he was playing badly, he finds himself thinking about him several times a day, when he proposes to go home together and he accepts Tetsurou jumps from happiness, he was making progress on their relationship, he didn't even plan to go home, but he knew Kenma was going, so he offered it to him, he had many dates planned to do in Tokyo. When he goes home, he is only there for a couple of hours, he takes some of his things and leaves, he can no longer bear his father and now that he is older he doesn’t have to, he doesn’t speak much with his mother neither, she never invited him to go with her and his grandparents, she sends him money every month, he is grateful for that. 

He spends his holidays in Bokuto's huge house, his parents are traveling, he wants to pay him, but his friend didn't accept his money, Kuroo works that month and Bokuto follows him even though he does not need it, but they have a great time working together, except for the fact that he has not seen Kenma, it hurts him that Kenma is not interested in him as he is in him, it’s the same thing that happened with Kano, but his friendship is enough for him. Until one day Kenma says that he is not his friend, Tetsurou gets depressed, of course he is not his friend, they hardly know each other, yes they go out and talk every day, but do they really know each other? his thoughts are interrupted by a message from Kenma to tell him that they will meet tomorrow, he smiles like an idiot in love.

When they return things are not so different, now his schedule is a little tighter, he doesn’t have that much time and volleyball practices take away a lot of his energy, perhaps if the team were more united, he has to admit that he doesn’t like his teammates that much luckily they are on the last year, they will be leaving soon. He tries to hang out with Kenma as much as he can and is surprised when he founds out that he constantly meets with Akaashi, once the three of them ditched him to hang out together, he doesn’t know whether to feel angry or proud of Kenma. When he invites him to a party, he never expect him to say yes, they spend the entire night on their own bubble, which makes him likes it even more.

  
  


✩ ✩ ✩

  
  


When he sits next to Kenma in class, he doesn't even look at him, he still mad, they don’t speak and he doesn’t answer his messages. Tetsurou doesn’t want to pressure him so he tries to give him his space, when he goes to complain to Akaashi because when he tells Bo about it he gets immediately depressed and they start crying together, it is comforting, but he needs an advice. He is shocked to see Kenma in the room.

"Sorry Kuroo-san we are busy" he closes the door in his face.

What did he have to do to Kenma to forgive him? he can't turn back time, if he could he would, ohh he would. He would spend every day with Kenma since they had classes together when they were only 12 years old, they would go to the volleyball club together they would have a great time and they would be a great duo, they would go together to Nekoma where they would sit together in each class, again they would choose to join the club together and the coach would be surprised on how good both played together, he wouldn't let him to do the cleaning alone and he would be the the ball boy if it’s necessary, they would go to the Nationals together and they would win, he would spend most of it of his time at Kenma's house because he knows that he likes to spend most of the time there and thus he would be free from his parents.

They would choose the college together and they would choose an apartment to live the two of them, they would talk about their problems and would advise each other, take care of each other that spark would always be there, the two of them would be afraid to get closer so as not to ruin their long friendship. Just one look between the two would be enough to read each other's minds and one day the two would look at each other with deep love, they would laugh at all the time they wasted, they would kiss and do more than that, ohh how much more they would do, it would be a good life, Tetsurou fantasizes, he doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve someone like Kenma, he gets out of his bed abruptly, “shit” he curses himself, he quickly dresses and runs from his room to Kenma's.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy!!!!!

I need a change, Kenma says to himself as he looks at himself in the mirror, he likes how it turns out, the blonde fits him, he doesn’t look too pale now, and his eyes don’t stand out that much, he cuts the damaged ends due the bleach, he is satisfied with his work.

His parents love it, his mother tells him that next time he will have to do it at a hairdresser, he still does not know if he will leave it like that, but if he does it he will definitely not do it by himself, the process took days for the black to fade of his hair, he saw a hundred videos on YouTube and his arms still hurt. He makes a video call with Shouyou to show his new style Tobio was with him, the two sincerely praise him. He felt a little bit sad knowing that he would not go to the same college as them since they were his only friends, but at least the two were together he doesn’t know who was the one who followed whom, but they were already inseparable.

Kenma wanted something like that, he was already eighteen and he had never gone on a date or kissed someone, when he’ll to college he told himself. The topic came up during dinner, his mom told him not to lose focus by some girl, Kenma shrugs and blushes, promising them that he will not, his dad scolds her saying that he is allowed to have fun so he could let go a bit, she agrees but says that the studies were more important, his dad scolds her again saying that they were not like that at his age, Kenma amused though about his young parents going from party to party and laughs, his parents laugh with him.

"Seriously son, if you want to go out with a girl that’s totally fine, the important thing is that you take care of yourself, we trust you ... or if you want to go out with a boy that’s fine too" Kenma blushes and lowers his head, does his mother know? Why did she have to embarrass him like that? Was it a joke? If that's the case then he has to laugh so they don't suspect, the only thing that comes out of Kenma's throat is a weird muffled noise, his dad raises his eyebrows.

"You know we love you, right? Whoever you like won't change a thing," she says with a smile full of understanding, he feels a tear falling and his mom squeezes his hand, and just like that it’s how he comes out of the closet with his parents.

He thinks about it while he talks to Keiji, they have talked all day, Kenma takes everything he wants to say about Kuro from his chest, the taller man listens attentively. When he vents, Keiji does the same and tells him about his parents and what they would do to him if they found out that he has a relationship with Koutarou, they would kick him out of the house in a instant, they would cut him off completely and they would never speak to him ever again, there is no way they would understand he says to Kenma, he will tell them when he finishes college he's afraid of that, he doesn't want that day to ever come and yet if his parents hate him he could never really hate them.

"Do you hate him?" he asks, Kenma wakes up from his thoughts. "Do you hate Kuroo?" He doesn't know what to answer, he's angry with him and can't get over it, he can't spend more than five minutes with him without remembering what happened, he wants to hate him.

"No, I don’t hate him”

"But you're hurt...why don't you tell him that?" Keiji says as if it were the easiest thing in the world.

" Tell him what?"

"Well, first about how you feel, Why are you so afraid of?" Why is he afraid of? To open up with him so he could abandon him later?, To he make fun of him? No, he would never do that. That he discovers his true self and realize that he doesn't want to be with someone like him?

"He is going to hate me" he says to Keiji who looks at him empathetically.

"Why would he hate you?" He asks.

"For all I have to say about him or worse...he would hate himself" he realizes that he has a grudge with Kuro and he doesn’t know how to overcome it, this means that neither of them will advance. What if he never does? He doesn’t want to be resentful with him forever. What do they have to do to move forward?

He was laying on his bed staring at the ceiling, he didn't feel like playing, he heard a knock on the door and a broken voice.

"Kenma"

"Kenma please."

He opens the door and lets Kuro in. He closes it and when he turns Kuro is on the floor kneeling with his head on the ground.

"I’m sorry" 

He bends down to be on his level "Kuro stand up."

"Forgive me please, forgive me, please forgive me" 

They both cry, and he grabs Kuro's face "Stand, don't do this, please just stand" he doesn't know if he is the one who embraces him first or Kuro, he only knows that it is midnight and both are lying hugged on the ground while crying.

They are drinking tea on his couch, the silence reigns, but it is Kuro who breaks it first, "I’m sorry" he says again, before he can speak, he interrupts him.

"For everything, sorry for everything" he doesn’t know what to say so he takes his cup taking a sip of his tea.

“You don’t have- ”

“Listen to me please” he says looking into his eyes still a few tears in his eyes, he nods.

"I am sorry for having missed the opportunity to know each other from a young age and be able to be friends, I would have liked that" he says it with a sad smile. "Sorry for...for dragging you to play volleyball with me, I mmm I knew you didn't like it and still I made you join the team, I saw how they treated you and I ignored it, I ignored it because it was easier and because I was a selfish, I didn’t think about your feelings and I let it happen, I was like a witness who decided to do nothing...an extra in your life, I should have helped you and I should have defended you because that was the right thing," Does he have no idea the impact that Kuro has been on his life? Kenma thinks.

“Forgive me for what i said to you when you didn’t join the team, I wasn’t myself that day, I was going through a difficult ehhh, things were happening in my life that…Not that I am justifying myself! God I should have written this. I insulted you and I shouldn't have, I had no right to treat you like that, I was angry with myself and I took it out on you, you are not a coward, I was, I am, sorry, for that" he says regretfully.

"I didn’t approach you to apologize because I didn’t want to think about my mistake, I was ashamed and I avoided you… I wasn't stupid or well I was, but I was aware of what was happening, you needed someone and I did nothing to fix that, well I did a little, I talk to some guys who were bothering you, I listened to them saying they would do something to you so I threaten them and talked to the principal and I make sure they did nothing to you, even so I was not brave enough to approach you.” The cup in his hand has already lost heat, but he just keeps holding it to keep his hands entertained, he tries to assimilate Kuro's words, he doesn't blame him, he wants to tell him.

“When I saw you again I convinced myself that I had a new opportunity, I didn’t approach you because I didn’t know how, I was nervous and when I did it and we were together I still felt like we were separated by kilometers. Even though we had a good time I had that thought in my head and I know that you did too, I am so sorry for not apologizing before,” Kuro takes his eyes off his mug to focus on Kenma's golden eyes, "I get it, I understand that you hate me, I know we can't go back in time, shit if I could, I would do everything in my power to keep you from suffering, I... I like you Kenma, I think I like you too much, I want to get to know you, I want to know everything about you, the bad things, the good things and... I want you get to know me too.”

After a while of looking each other in the eye, Kenma positions his mugs on the floor, and takes Kuro's hands.

"I don't hate you idiot, I never did, well maybe a little bit, but years ago, now it would be impossible, I hate your laugh, but after a while I find it a little contagious so I don't think it really counts" Kuro laughs, "I don't want you to hold all that weight especially if it's one that doesn't belong to you," he says as he caresses Kuro's hand.

"Thanks for apologizing... I forgive you, but don't you even dare to think that I'm going to forgive you for something you never did and for what may or may not have happened. It’s time for me to move on, I have to leave that in the past or else I will be stuck forever. Can we, if you want, could we move forward together? ” Kuro responds with a tight hug.

"Kuro, let me breathe," he says, "haha, yeah sorry" they sit leaning against each other without saying anything, however, it was a comfortable and calm silence, words were not necessary.

“Hey Kenma,”

“Mmm?” he says with his head resting on Kuro's chest.

“Do you want to go on a date with me on Saturday? We have a lot to talk about” he asks while stroking his hair.

"I would love to."

✩ ✩ ✩

They have been officially dating for three months now, Kuro is his confidant. He is the first to open up, he tells him about his parents, the fights, the beatings, when his mother left him, as he no longer talks to his father anymore. How can such people exist in the world?

He believed that only young people were like that, when they were immature and stupid, he didn’t understand how adults already in their forties could behave like that, they don’t deserve Kuro. But he also told him about the good things, he told him about the day when he went to the nationals, how much he loved being on the team, because he decided to study Biochemistry, about that Summer that he managed to hide a cat at home until he escaped, about his adventures with his friends, Kenma loved to hear his stories, good or bad he wanted to know everything about Kuro, everything that made him sad, what made him happy, what excited him, what he dreamed...until he told him about Kano Hayashi, it was practically his first love although this one never answered him back, Kuro had an image of him in his mind that Kenma did not want to ruin.

The promise was that they would get to know each other, after five months of dating Kenma confesses all the harassment he suffered, he had never told anyone the things he had said to Kuro, he said some parts to his parents and he vaguely mention something to Shouyou, but with Kuro he fully opened, he told him his most darkest thoughts. 

He knew this would happen that’s why he was afraid to tell this to Kuro, apart from the pain of remembering all that again he knew his boyfriend would feel responsible for what happened to Kenma and guilt would invade him.

“Kuro, stop crying” he says while his boyfriend is sobbing and hugging his hips.

"I can't help it Kenma. I can't turn off my feelings!" Kenma rolls his eyes.

“No! do not say it” he warns her boyfriend “Kuro, no…” he says wrinkling his nose and pointing his index finger at him.

“I’M SORRY KENMAAAA” Kuro squeezes him tighter.

"You are impossible Kuro, I already told you it’s not your fault, you had no idea and stop apologizing to me."

When he tells him about Kano Hayashi Kuro is puzzled, he gets angry with himself and promises the blonde to defend his honor in combat Kenma hits him, it is history, he is not interested in thinking about him and nobody from school in fact, he swears that he will not do anything about the topics Kenma tells him. He intensely doubts whether to tell him about the closet accident, he can no longer bear to see Kuro depressed because of him, but he has realized that he feels more and more relieved after talking about it, he feels like a huge burden has been lifted when he start talking, perhaps if he had done it sooner the pain in his chest and his demons in his head would have disappeared a long time ago. He can see how his boyfriend struggles.

“Kuro…” he warns.

“Ke-Kenma,” Oh no.

“KENMA FORGIVE MEEEEEEEEEEE.”

When they're both in bed with their bodies refusing to separate with their legs intertwined after having demonstrated their love, Kuro confesses "I’ve always liked your hair" while he is gently running his fingers through it, Kenma sighs and lets himself be caressed.

"You like it? It’s kind of neglected I have to decide whether to dye it again or not” he says as he brushes his cheek against Kuro's chest.

"I love both, the question is if you like it," he says placidly.

"Mmm, I don't know, it's draws attention too much... but yes, I do like it."

His parents had suggested going to therapy before, he didn’t like the idea of feeling mentally damaged, but when he mentions it to Kuro, he thinks is a wonderful idea so he ends up convincing him. At first it was uncomfortable, but now he had plenty of confidence with his therapist, he didn’t always talk about his tortuous time at school, sometimes he talked about his video games, his studies, his friends and especially Kuro he even accompanied him in some sessions. His boyfriend wanted to go to a specialist on his own, but he didn't feel ready yet, and that was fine, he would be there for him when he decides to go.

As he left his session in which he simply talked about his week, he realized how his life has changed this past year, he had good grades and he liked his career, he could have not chosen a better thing to study and dedicate the rest of his life, when their schedules coincide Kenma visited Shouyou and Tobio, although he spent most of his time with Keiji and Koutarou and of course Kuro, they constantly went out on double dates, he went with Keiji to all the volleyball matches of his boyfriends, he had left the team at the beginning of the semester to focus on his studies, Kuro embarrassed him every time he played and earned a point by blocking, he raised his hand and pointed at Kenma to later grab his chest, “ridiculous” he muttered but everytime his heart exploded.

"Yes mom, I packed that too" he said on his video call with his parents, his first year of college officially ended a week ago, but he was waiting for Kuro to submit his last report to travel to Tokyo together, his boyfriend would stay with his best friend, and then already had found a job together. His parents were saying goodbye with a promise that they would have dinner together tomorrow to talk in detail about his new life at college.

"Ehh I ..." he said before they hung "Yes?" his mom asked, Kenma swallowed hard.

“Can I bring a friend? to dinner I mean. "

"A friend?" they said at the same time, he immediately regrets it . "It’s not Shouyou, nor Tobio because you would have simply showed up tomorrow with those two food-eating monsters," says his mother thoughtfully.

"What friend?, What’s his name?, What does he study?, He is studying right?, If he has tattoos forget it ” his dad says.

"Kuroo Tetsurou, he studies biochemistry and doesn’t has tattoos" yet...Kuro had shared with Kenma his desire to mark his skin.

"Kuroo? Why does it sound so familiar?”

"We used to go to school together" his parents open their eyes in surprise, Kenma thanks the little sixteen years old Kenma for never having slandered Kuro's name with his parents, the only thing he told them about him was that he lied that he was his friend.

"We meet...again at college"

“Ohh well if is your friend, I can add one more plate on the table” his mom says uncertain.

“Actually, he is not my friend...”

“What?!” his dad says angrily "If he is not your friend why did you invite him? Is he bothering you?”

“AWWW KENMA, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME SOONER??” his mom screams at the screen.

“What…tell what?, what’s happening?” his dad says bringing his face close to the camera.

"How long have you been together?"

"I will tell you everything tomorrow " Kenma promises before ending the call.

"Don't be nervous, my dad doesn't even intimidate a fly," he says to Kuro as they get off the train.

"From what you have told me, is your mother whom I am afraid of, I still will go to change before meeting them, I refused to meet them smelling of travel" his boyfriend insisted on going to Koutarou before visiting his parents house, he wanted to shower and get ready.

"Smelling of travel? What the fuck does that mean? ”

"Heyyyy watch that mouth" Kenma rolls his eyes.

"Whatever, my parents are relaxed, please don't wear a suit."

When he enters his home his mom greets him with a cake in her hands and she was dressed exaggeratedly elegant, she did her hair and nails for what he can see.

"Ohh it's just you" he closes the door. "Where's Kuroo?"

"Yes, it's just me, your only son that you haven't seen for weeks" he hears his father running down the stairs.

"They’re already here?! ohhh where's Tetsurou? ” he says disappointed.

"As I said, hello, I'm your son and, why are you dressed like that?" his dad was dressed in a suit so elegant that it looks like he's going to his wedding.

“Sorry for trying to make a good first impression for your secret boyfriend." Kenma takes a shower because in fact he smelled of travel, but he refused to agree with Kuro, he dresses in a sweatshirt two sizes bigger and sweatpants.

"He’s almost here" he says to his parents who are clearly impatient, they jump when they hear the door.

“Why is everyone dressed as if the Queen of England is coming to dinner?” Kuro was wearing a damn suit, it looked perfect except for the cap he's wearing that doesn't match at all, he has flowers and a bottle of wine in his hands.

“What? I thought you told me to wear a suit,” he says with a half smile after greeting his parents.

"The flowers are beautiful, thank you" his mom says, they are sitting on the couch, Kuro and his dad strike up a conversation quickly while Kenma plays "you're welcome, I hope you also like the wine I brought, of course I will not drinking with you tonight, not until I turn 21 ”

Kenma laughs and Kuro gives him a murderous stare. They talk about their classes, how they met, how long they have been dating, he shows them photos of their dates, Kuro is the one who does all that, the blonde is very entertained with his PSP until he catches a movement of Kuro, he runs his hand through his hair, which he does when he is nervous, but since he is wearing a cap he touches it and lowers his hand discreetly.

"Why are you wearing that hat?" Kenma interrupts.

"Ehhh I thought it would give me style," he answers nervously.

"It looks great on you, you're a very handsome boy," his mom says, giving Kenma a disapproving look at his comment.

"We are going to eat dinner, it’s not polite to use it at the table," he says, smiling maliciously.

“It doesn't matter" his dad says, but Kenma is already positioned behind Kuro to remove his hat.

...

"What the fuck?"

“KENMA!” all three say it at the same time, the blonde just laughs.

"It was Bokuto's idea he was helping me with my hair so it would look good" he says defensively. It looked ridiculous, for what he deduces he tried to straighten it to have a swept-back style, when this didn’t work because he couldn’t tamed his hair, he used gel to help, resulting in a combination of some straight strands that were falling on his forehead and tufts with gel that were pointed towards his sides, Kenma takes a few photos.

"It looks good, that's how young people style it nowadays" his dad says clearly trying to be polite.

"When you said he had a ridiculous hairstyle I was not expecting this" his mom says and everyone laughed.

"They are nice, they care about you a lot" Kuro says as they wait at the station.

"Yes, they are, they loved you"

"I usually provoke that feeling in people" he replies smiling, "Yes," he says shyly, Kuro grabs his hand inside his jacket pocket.

“Oh yeah?”Kenma looks him in the eye and without hesitation he says yes again.

"You too, you provoke that feeling in me, I love you Kenma"

"Yes" he says again "I love you too" he says in a low voice so that only Tetsurou will hear him.


	10. Chapter 10

They were moving into their new apartment, well Kuro was doing it while Kenma was just pretending.

"Can we do it tomorrow? I'm tired,” his boyfriend was inspecting his things in a box while sitting on the floor.

"Tired of what? you only unpacked one box and it was the one of all your games ”

"They were a lot, let's go to bed" he says, pulling at his sleeve.

"Ohoho you could have said it sooner" Kuro grabs him to sit him on his lap.

Before the beginning of the year they had decided to rent an apartment ten minutes away from campus, it was small but it was on the same floor as Keiji and Koutarou so they chose this one, his parents were not sure about the idea of living together so soon, but still they promised to pay half the rent, well a little more than the half since Kuro only worked part time and Kenma had some money saved, he was even planning to sell some of his old games, well only if it was total necessary. Classes began on Monday, he no longer shared any with Kuro and his schedule was a little bit stressful, his classes were all in the morning and then he didn’t have it again until at night, his boyfriend's scheduled leave him with just enough time for his volleyball practice, if they hadn't moved in together they wouldn’t have time to see each other.

Kenma spread his legs to get a better position "Let’s go" he says again, another advantage of living together is that they could have sex whenever they wanted, Kenma did not consider himself too sex-driven, after his first time he thought that his libido would increase, but sometimes he simply didn’t feel like it, when he told Kuro he was a little worried about his reaction but he took it normally and every time he tried to start intercourse he constantly asked him if he wanted or if he was completely comfortable. But there were times when he wanted his boyfriend to take him and show his love by burying himself in him.

"Kuro," he says between kisses, he moves his neck to give Kuro more space as he kisses him. "Don't leave any marks" he warns him, he responds with a malicious laugh, he can't help but run his hands over his firm abdomen, his toned back and his chest Kuro responds with a moan before taking his mouth, with their intertwined tongues Kenma rock his hips making Kuro moan even louder.

"Okay, okay let's go to bed, I will continue with this tomorrow" he says agitated as he carries a triumphant Kenma to their bedroom.

Kenma came out of classes earlier that day and decided to go to Kuro's practice, he sees him sitting on the bench, he shows his happiness with a big smile that makes his eyes shine.

"Did you come to see me darling?" He says running towards him as soon as the set is over, Kenma rolls his eyes exaggeratedly.

"No, I came to see Koutarou. I'm waiting for him to go home." Kuro grabs his chest and makes an offended face. When they are ready to leave, Kenma is waiting at the doors of the gym, Kuro and Koutarou approach him while they talk and laugh.

"Hello Kenma, did you come to see me? I dedicated that last point to you" Kuro elbows him in the ribs and then take Kenma's hand to walk together.

"You played well. When was that match?" Kenma asks, "That game is to qualify in the tournament, it’s in 3 weeks" Koutarou replies a little offended, Kenma rolls his eyes "Why did Akaashi didn’t come to see me!"

"Didn't you say he had classes until late? He must be tired" it was almost ten, they always train more than usual close to a tournament.

"Why don't we go get something to eat? So we can bring something to Keiji "

"Good idea! I’m kinda craving pizza with extra extra cheese" his boyfriend replies.

"Kuroo" Koutarou says in a worried tone.

"Kuroo" 

He observes how the best friends make eye contact as their teammates pass by them, they say goodbye with a head movement. "What?" Kenma asks, they share a suspicious look again.

"Pizza sounds great, it sounds super super great. I will ask Akaashi what he wants, no, we could bring him every flavor if there’s any leftovers it's fine I need the energy anyways haha because I'm big haha, right?” He responds nervously, Kuro squeezes his hand harder and smiles at him, he recognizes that smile, Kuroo used to smile at him like that all the time.

After eating together, his boyfriend and Koutarou start talking about anything really. "Let me help you" he says to Keiji as he collects the plates and cups.

"Thank you Kenma" When he was washing the plates, Kenma turns to see his boyfriend and turns back to approach Keiji.

"What is the volleyball team like?"

“They are good, last year we placed-” 

Kenma interrupts him "No, I mean mmm are they friendly?"

Keiji raises his eyebrow "Some of them,"

"So why did you leave?"

"I already told you, I wanted to focus on my studies, why?"

Kenma sighs "It's nothing..."

"You should ask Kuroo-san"  _ he is the one who should tell you _ , says his gaze.

"You get along with your team right?" he asks his boyfriend when they are already at home.

"Sure, why?", he responds faster than usual.

"I don't know, you never talk about them, only about Koutarou" he says as they prepare for bed.

"He’s my best friend, he is the one I get along with the most, of course I will talk more about him" he responds defensively.

Kenma can't sleep, the clock strikes at 1:19 am, he turns in the bed again, Kuro is not sleeping either, he strokes his shoulder and then goes up to his cheek.

"Tell me," he demands, the moonlight shines bright enough to see Kuro's face, "You said we should tell each other everything" Kuro sighs and turns to face each other.

"Last year when we had only been on the team for a couple of weeks, we went to a bar with our teammates, I was sitting next to Bokuto and Akaashi, you know how Bo gets when he's drunk, he is clingy... he, he started to say how much I meant to him, how much he loved me and he was all touchy” he sighs again. Could he have had something with Koutarou? No, he would never do that to Keiji, he is his sun. Also, it wouldn’t explain the team behavior.

"Some of the team began to tease us, whistle at us, you know those things, so I play along, after laughing for a while I was going to confess that Bo had no eyes for anyone other than Akaashi but, he became nervous and began to pinch me. When I looked around, I realized that not everyone was laughing, some of them looked very offended and had a disgusted face, it was stupid I shouldn't have joked about it, it’s Japan after all.”

“When we went to our rooms, Akaashi confessed to us that he had heard some of the team talking about a former teammate who was apparently gay, they said very offensive things about him, they even asked Akaashi for his opinion, he deflected the topic” Kenma's eyes widened, did they do something to Keiji? Is that why he left the team?

"They didn't do anything to Akaashi," Kuro quickly answered after seeing Kenma's face, “But... they told between laughs how they made the life impossible for the player, the coach was on their side apparently, because they didn’t make him play, until he got bored and left the team. Akaashi warned Bo to be more private with their relationship, well more than usual."

Kenma strokes Kuro's hair and then he smacks him. “You are an idiot, if you knew they were homophobic, why did you behave so openly with me? They can kick you off the team.”

Kuro touches his head and laughs “Isn't it obvious? I'm happy, I don't want to hide you,” Kenma smacks him on the head again.

"What if they attacked you? They are more than you and some of them are very very big,” “Ouch!” he touches his head.

"Have they ever said anything to you?" Kuro looks away, Kenma raises his hand.

“Okay, stop, stop… only murmuring stuffs, they aren’t actually going to do anything, they're cowards" he takes Kenma's hand and kisses it.

“You don't know that, they could be planning to do something to you, we saw that news yesterday together, about that lesbian couple from Osaka, maybe… maybe we should be more careful like Keiji and Koutarou, we have been irresponsible,"

"Kenma don't worry, I'm fine, we're fine, don't worry about the team, trust me" Kenma comes closer to his boyfriend and hugs him.

"I don't want anything to happen to you" he hugs him harder.

After a while of just hugging Kuro sighs "I'm going to quit the team"

"WHAT?!", Kuro motioned for him to lower his voice, it's almost two in the morning after all.

"I was thinking about it for a long time, actually since Akaashi left, I knew that this year I would start with the labs and my classes are getting more difficult, we are not all a genius like you"

Kenma looks at him with his mouth open "B-but you love volleyball, we can talk to someone from the university, leave a complaint in the office" Kuro embraces him again.

"Yes, I love volleyball, but I will not dedicate the rest of my life to it, I will still play for fun, Bo will still want to practice with me. There are better players than me there, who really want to play professionally, I was playing less and less since last semester.” It’s not fair, Kenma thinks, Kuro cannot give up like this, he will fight alongside him, he needs to show him that it’s worth it to continue playing.

"I thought it was your dream..." he says softly, Kuro laughs lightly.

"You are Kenma, you are my dream" he answers as he plays with his hair. "Volleyball was my dream when I was a child, now I have much more important things,"

Kenma growls "How can you say those things?" he says while blushing and pouting.

"Hahaha you know that I speak from the heart, my love" he says with a smile illuminating his eyes, that smile he loves.

"It was a good game, Bo really did great!" his boyfriend exclaims in the stands.

"Yes, it was... thanks guys for coming," Keiji says with deep gratitude.

"We wouldn’t have missed for the world," Kuro replies. "Do you think the scouts paid attention to him?"

"They would have to be blind to not notice Koutarou" Kenma answers as he finishes the last level of his video game.

"I am sure that they did, Bokuto-san is very passionate about volleyball and he complements it with his talent and effort, I am certain that they will call him."

"Why don't we go to celebrate then?" Kuro suggests with a smile. 

Koutarou gets depressed after Kuro leaves the team, after all he had entered with his boyfriend and his best friend and now he was going to practice alone, it was difficult for him, they motivate him to continue and they even promised to practice with him every Saturday to make up for the lost time, it's fun to play with his friends, even Shouyou and Tobio get together a couple of times and even though Kenma can't move for two days straight after they played, he can't help but feel happy. 

Maybe in another life Kenma says to himself, he would have played volleyball with all his friends, he would had been Kuro's partner and they would play as if they were one on the court, this silly fantasy was Kuro's idea, Kenma only laughed when his boyfriend told him, as if Kenma had the energy to practice volleyball.

“Hey, hey, hey. How was I?, Did you see me ?, Did you see me Akaashi? I made my secret move, in a while they would name it after me” Koutarou says excitedly after the match.

“Excuse me?! Your secret move? I clearly taught you that" Kuro told him as they walked looking for a place to go for lunch.

“Ehhhhh? Nah huh, I learned it after hours of practice with Akaashi”

“I don't remember that, sorry Bokuto-san”

“Akaaaaaaashi!”

Kenma didn't have the heart to tell them that “the move” was clearly from the Wii volleyball game, where he was still the undisputed champion among all his friends.

✩ ✩ ✩

After an exhausted day, Kenma drag his feet home, the semester is already ending and he’s on final exams season, he has been struggling lately with a project of a video game prototype so he promises not to play with his PSP anymore, for at least a couple of weeks, he breaks his promise the next day. Kuro has been busy too, ever since leaving the team he signed up for extra lab classes. Kenma wrinkles his nose at the door of their department, "Shit" he heards just a some pots falls against the floor, when he opens the door he sees Kuro with a kitten apron bent down picking up utensils from the floor.

"Is apple pie what I’m smelling?" Kuro suddenly stands and smiles at him.

"Darling, what you are smelling is an attempt at apple pie" he says as he stretches out his arms waiting for a hug, Kenma advances towards him and pushes him off the way to inspect the apple pie.

"It looks good," he says.

"Of course it looks good, I did it!" He answers as he takes the spoon from Kenma’s hands.

"Wait for it to cool down a little bit" Kenma rolls his eyes and looks from head to toe at his boyfriend, "You look adorable", Kuro smiles at him and blushes.

"I know, you still have to wait though'" Kenma rolls his eyes again and approaches his boyfriend, he stands on his tiptoes and kisses him softly on the lips, "Hello" he says, Kuro grabs his face Kenma and kisses him again this time with a little more of enthusiasm "Hello" he answers.

They are sitting with a plate in their hands, Kuro watches Kenma attentively, the blond takes a bite, savors it and then he takes another, he tries to keep his face blank.

"What do you think? Is it the best you've ever had?” his boyfriend asks excitedly. Kenma looks at Kuro's sweet smile, it reaches his eyes which are shining, there is no better view, Kenma thinks, he smiles back.

"I think I found it" I definitely found it.

"This is the best apple pie I've ever had." Sorry mom.

“Really?!” Kenma nods, there is nothing that can erase Kuro's silly smile.

"Mmm thanks, it's delicious" he said as he runs his tongue over his lower lip, Kuro blushes and makes a gesture with his hand.

"Ehh it was nothing, I just wanted to do something nice for you" he says with his mouth full. Kenma wonders how he got so lucky. Did his guardian angel finally start paying attention to him? Did he wake up from his eternal sleep? Did he inadvertently sell his soul and when he dies he will have to pay in hell?

Perhaps it was a test like in a video game, where he had to defeat the monsters, but he could not do it alone, and he had to pass the levels that were getting more difficult until he found new players where he would overcome each level with their help more and more easily until he beat the game.

When he finishes eating Kuro serves him another piece. "Thank you, I love you"

"It's really nothing Kenma" he says stroking him near the corner of his mouth, surely to clear some crumbs. "I love you too" he says, widening his smile.

"You know... you can always improve your recipe even more."

"Kenmaaaaaaaa" he complains.

"You know I will" he replies as they laugh together.

**FIN**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo this was fun :)


End file.
